Where Does Self Confidence Come From?

It's the question of the day for me. Where does self confidence come from? Why don't I have any? Like today, for example. I am teaching at Juliana's which is always a wonderful experience. The students are always very complimentary when class is over. I've never heard one bad thing about my teaching but right now I'm sitting here nervous about teaching. Why don't I ever believe my own good press?

After class today, my best yoga bud in the entire world, Ruth is taking me over to LA Fitness to talk to the person who hires the yoga teachers for all the clubs in this area. I am totally nervous about this meeting. Now, not only am I a Registered Yoga Teacher certified by the Yoga Alliance and CPR certified but I also worked at Curves for a year and a half. I've lost 95 pounds in my life. I'M FRIENDS WITH RICHARD SIMMONS!!!! It seems to me that I would be a great fit for them but still I am nervous. What if they don't like me? What if they do like me? The idea of walking up in front of 30 or 40 people and teaching is making me sick to my stomach. Why am I even doing this? Yeah, I need to find my self confidence. Where is it?

Yoga Teacher Training.

What an experience!! Yoga teacher training was more amazing than I ever could imagine. It started in March and we graduated last saturday night. I am very sad that it is over. We all learned so much from Juliana. We covered every subject you could possibly think of. We spent a lot of time on yoga philosophy, we covered swamis, asana, pranayama, mudras, bandahs, tratica, chair yoga, teaching technique as well as too many other things to mention.

When it first began I was very upset because I really thought that I would not be able to do it. We started every session with a class that was much stronger than the classes I had been taking. I remember crying to Ruth (my very best yoga bud) that I wanted to quit because I felt it was too hard. I was wrong. In the end my practice got so much stronger and not only did I finish the training I kicked it's ass. :)

I must say I am very proud of myself. I set this goal a long time ago and when I did that it was really more of a dream then a goal. There was a time there that I thought it wasn't even going to happen. I really had to work hard to get all the paperwork that was required by the Yoga Alliance in order for Juliana. I promised her that I would help her get everything that was needed by her school filled out and sent in because I knew if I didn't do it, it wouldn't happen. I was right. I did it and it happened. Now my dream has come true and I am a yoga teacher. Even Richard Simmons is proud of me. He said so in a really sweet email to me. Yep I am proud.

I taught class at Vatsu Yoga last Friday and I will be teaching at Juliana's studio when she goes on vacation. Joy also asked me to sub for her at the Yoga Source when she goes on vacation in August. Things are happening. Just not fast enough for me. :)

I have been also offering up very inexpensive or free privates on Facebook just to get started. I'm hoping Debbie Wolff will ask me to sub at her studio too. I need to get myself a weekly gig. That's the next thing to do.



Wish me luck. Namaste!!

2010-A new decade

Ok, well, here we are. It's January 1, 2010. It's hard to believe. I remember when I was a kid I would think to myself that I would be 48 in the year 2000. It seemed so old and so far away. Fast forward to now. It's 2010 and I'm 57 turning 58 in a few days. My mom was right. "You turn around once and you're 65". It seems that the older I get the faster it's going.

I'm excited about the upcoming year. I'm going to start my yoga teacher training in a few weeks and I should be finished and ready to teach at the end of April. I'm very excited about starting my new life as a registered yoga teacher. I truly feel that a consistent yoga practice helps ground you and allows for happiness and joy. I am always very grateful for what I have after a good yoga practice. That's why I'm going to Joy's class in a little while. In my opinion, there is no better way to start the new year.

Kerry's life is in flux but she will figure it all out this year. She is sending out application to University of Chicago, Colorado State, University of Michigan, Notre Dame and some other schools as well. She is hoping to get accepted to a PHD program somewhere. I'm thinking that someone somewhere will want her. She has so much to offer. She is very passionate about her research and her field. She's got good GRE scores, great letters of recommendation and lots of experience. I think she will be a huge success. I'm not real happy about her moving so far away but she promises that it won't be any different that it is now. She says that she will be more likely to come home because she won't have to make the 5 hour drive anymore. Let's hope so.

I have made 4 resolutions as Richard has asked me to do. They are as follows:
1) Finish yoga teacher training, obtain my certification and teach a class.
2) Stay positive
3) Do some kind of exercise 5-6 times per week
4) Continue to be happy

I think these are doable goals which is important when setting goals. They must be able to be acheived. I have decided to add one more resolution and that is to be more consistant with this blog. On looking back on this blog I realize that it's like a diary. I like having all this info to look back on.

I am looking forward to Tim Tebow's last game as a Gator tonight in the Sugar Bowl. Kerry is coming home from Ft Meyers to watch the game with me. What a fantastic way to start the new year. Yoga class and Gator football with Kerry. Go Gators!!

So that's it for now. I am looking forward to a wonderful 2010. Off to yoga class I go. Namaste!

I'm Back!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I just lose interest in things that I've been doing like this blog. I don't know why this happens but it does. Maybe it's that I'm busy doing other things or I just get lazy but whatever the reason is I stopped blogging. I was very surprised when I logged on and saw that my last entry was on August 5. Oh my, that's almost 7 weeks ago. That's not good. One of the reasons is Facebook. I spend a load of time on there, checking the status of my friends and family, playing the slots and playing Treasuremania. I am going to make time to blog more often especially now that I am once again trying to lose the 18 pounds that have been driving me nuts.

Recently, I pulled out my old Deal A Meal. It's kind of a symbol for me. It's a symbol of what worked for me when I lost my weight the first time. It's really a sad sight being held together by tape and falling apart but I know it worked before and I know it will work again. Yes, I have a foodmover but there is just something about the DAM that works better for me. Maybe it's because it has Richard's autograph on it. I don't know but whatever it is I've taken it out of the drawer that it was sleeping in and started pulling my cards again. Yay!!

I'm also exercising again. I'm totally out of shape and unable to do some of the things that I used to do especially now that I'm having physical issues. My heel still gives me some problems and as much as I hate to admit this, my back has been talking to me too. I had the MRI on my back and was told that I have a multitude of back issues and I guess I'm paying more attention to it now so I have been feeling some mild back pain. I am not going to let this stop me. I've started going to the track again but only twice a week for the time being. I've also been doing Richard's new video Boogie Down The Pounds. It's got great disco music and I enjoy doing it. Today is yoga day for me. Yes, I'm still doing my yoga classes. I still love it more than anything. I've started toning again too. I've been doing Tone and Sweat, Blast and Tone and even some work with free weights.

Now for motivation. I was talking to Laura the other day and she said that it helped her to have Richard there to talk to for even 2 or 3 minutes a week. I said that I wished I had Richard for a few minutes a week to talk to when *BOING* it hit me. I DO have Richard here for a few minutes a week. Actually I have him here with me every day in the form or his old Day By Day tapes. I started watching them again and they have really helped me alot. They help me focus on my weight loss efforts and also remind me that I have Richard Simmons as a good friend and cheerleader. Whatever would I have done without him?


So that's where I am now. I've lost 2 pounds so far and that leaves me 16 to go. I'm glad that I realized all this before I had 50 pounds to lose. Blogging helps so I'm back. Hopefully I will be reporting more weight loss soon.

Rigby Is My Son

Rigby woke us up at 4:45 this morning scratching at the back door. I dragged myself out of bed and let him out to do his thing in the backyard. He went out and ate grass. I knew this was a bad sign. He laid down in the grass so I picked him up and brought him back inside so I could get some more sleep. Normally he would jump up on the bed and sleep with us but he didn't this morning.

Rigby and me

At 5:30am he started scratching at the door again so Pat got up with him this time. I got dressed so I could go outside and see what was going on. He was just laying in grass breathing heavy. I sat on the grass with him petting him and telling him that everything. He scared me really badly.

We went inside and I gave him some water with ice cubes in it and he seemed to like that. Then I hooked him up and took him out the front for a short walk. Usually he wants to stay outside but he didn't want to this morning. We walked for a short time but he turned around and took me home. I offered him a doggy treat and he took it. It was the first sign that he was going to be alright and believe me, I was happy to see that.

Rigby is such a good boy

After my yoga practice I fixed Rigby his breakfast which he snubbed. Very unusual. I also fixed my breakfast which he normally begs for and he wasn't interested. Hmmm...what to do? I remembered that I had some turkey breast in the fridge and he loves it so I offered him a small piece and he took it. He ended up eating the whole thing. I put some in his food and he ate that too.

He is still not feeling his best but I can tell he is MUCH better than he was before. I remember saying to him "you're only three years old. The universe wouldn't do that to me again so soon. You are not Mac." I'm happy to say that he proved me right. After all, he is my son just like Mac was.

Mac and me

I would like to mention that my good friend Richard Simmons unexpectedly lost his beloved dalmation Dolly yesterday. I remember how it felt when Mac died. I want to let Richard know that I am thinking of him today. He will be on QVC and I'm sure he will be his usual "court jester" on the outside but crying on the inside. I love you, Richard. I'm so sorry about Dolly.

Burn, Baby, Burn

Leaving my job at Curves may have been the best thing I have ever done for my health. I woke up this morning and I can truthfully say that my heel pain is better than it has been for a very long time. I guess standing up for 4-5 hours a night was not helping my Plantar Fasciitis and Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome. I even worked out to Sweatin To The Oldies 4 yesterday without any heel pain. Things are looking up for me and my foot issues. I think I am going to do something I haven't been able to do for months and months which is workout two days in a row. When I finish this post I am going to go inside and crank up Disco Sweat which is one of my all time favorites.

It's amazing how easy it is to stop exercising. Why is that? Excuses come and I embrace them. "Oh, I can't workout today because of my heel pain" or "I can't workout today because I don't have the time" are two of my recent favorite excuses. Why is it so easy to stop doing something that has so many health benefits? You would think that knowing all I know about exercise that I would continue doing it no matter what. But no! I was busy thinking up excuses not to do it. Well, I'm done with that now. No more excuses for me. Hear that Richard?

I am going to take my time getting back to the track. Outside power walking is extremely hard on my heel and I don't want to set it off again but that's no reason to sit on my butt and not workout at all. I have large collection of workout DVDs that will raise my heart rate and make me sweat. I have enough Richard Simmons' DVDs to use a different one every day and that's what I'm going to do.

I used to say that I exercised every day because it gave me a calorie cushion. If I worked out hard for an hour a day I could pretty much (dare I say it?) eat what I wanted within reason and not gain weight. I want that cushion back and not hanging off my butt. I'm going to get back to exercising each day starting with cardio. I actually do yoga almost every day anyway but I need more so I'm cranking up my DVD player until my foot is completely healed (or heeled LOL) and then hopefully get back to the track soon. Maybe I'll go one day next week if I am still feeling good but for now, today, it's Disco Sweat in my living room. Burn, baby, burn.

So I'm back baby and it feels great.

Wednesday Check In

I kept my promise to Laura and called my podiatrist Dr Tanner for an appointment. My heel pain is back in a big way and it's getting in the way of my life again. I can't walk, run or do one of Richard's videos because the pain is too much to bear. It's frustrating and depressing. I'll never lose the 15 pounds if I can't exercise. I have enough trouble losing weight when I'm feeling well and not in pain. I will welcome the cortisone shot that is probably coming. Anything that will allow me to get back to the track and back ON track is on my list of things to love.

Today I am starting my day with Joy's Hatha class at the Yoga Source. I can do most asanas without foot pain. Note I said most. Pushing back into down dog is painful as is plank and some others. I'm hoping most of the class will be laying down or sitting. That I can do. I can aways do yoga.

Downward facing dog in Juliana's studio

I'm off from work today so after yogaI think I will crank up my Ipod and do some strength training. I can sit and lift weights. Yeah, I can do that. Maybe a good weight lifting session will help me with my motivation which has left the builiding now that I can't exercise. If nothing else it will give my metabolism a needed boost. I'm busy needing boosts and kicks in the butt. Please... feel free to take aim....rear back....and kick me in the butt.

Hey Ang, thanks for making me your blogger of the week. I am honored that you feel I actually have something to give to the world. That helps. You are the best.

Never Give Up

Well, it's started. Kerry left on Monday afternoon and I haven't stopped eating since. It's actually amazing the amount of food that I can consume without really thinking about it. I let the loneliness I felt for my daughter overwhelm me and started eating. And it's the worst kind of eating. Emotional. What gets me is that I am aware of it. I know I'm doing it but don't or can't stop. What's up with that? Huh?

Breakfast is good. It's always good. I always have either a half of a bagel with one tablespoon of whipped cream cheese and an orange or a bowl of oatmeal with berries. Sometimes I even go all the way and make myself a mixture of Egg Beaters with onion, mushrooms and any other kind of veggie and a piece of toast. All of these are pretty good choices for a healthy breakfast. I do indulge in too much coffee in the morning but as for as food goes I think my breakfast choices are pretty good. After that I am screwed.

I don't really eat lunch. I start my grazing and it doesn't stop until I start getting ready for work. Now I have to ask myself is it grazing or binging? Does it really matter? All I know is that I don't really eat a real lunch. I just go for whatever is around. Fruit, cheese, almonds, lots of bread and rolls. Sometimes, every now and then, I'll have some soup or leftovers from the night before but I never stop there. I just keep going, eating until I get ready for work which is usually about 2:30. I've tried to change this but I keep going back to my bad habits.

Now looking at this a little closer it seems that I have food difficulties from lunch time to dinner time. OK, now that's about 4 hours or so. Maybe I need to find something to do during this time of day so that my head doesn't end up in the fridge looking for something that isn't even there. I wish I was more like my unbelievably talented and crafty friend Laura who makes beautiful jewelry. I've tried knitting, crocheting, painting by numbers and many other things. I'm just not very crafty so I always struggle and finally lose interest. I guess I need to find something interesting I can do during the time when I usually end up looking for food. I need to change things up. Not something that comes easily to me, change. I will try though. It's all about trying. Right? Like Richard always says "Never give up".

Loneliness And Eating

Kerry got home on Friday night and it is soooo good to have her home for a little while. It makes me realize that a lot of my eating issues have to do with her not being here aka loneliness. Thinking back on my life that is a recurring theme. Hmmm. Very interesting.

When I was a kid I would come home from school and my mom would be there waiting for me. She was always so happy to see me. She would have milk and cookies or some fruit waiting for me because she knew I would be hungry. We would sit and talk for hours. We would laugh about things that had happened during the day to me at school and her at home. She adored the ground that I walked on and I loved her more than anyone. I remember those times like it was yesterday.

When I got to be about 9 years old my dad opened up his own business. He needed my mom to help out in the office so she went to work every day and couldn't be there waiting for me when I got home anymore. My grandmother lived upstairs from us in a separate apartment but it wasn't the same as having my mom there with me. I was lonely and I started to eat.

It didn't take very long for me to gain weight and by the time I was in 6th grade I was overweight and taking crap from the other kids. I remember that I would come home and eat until my parents got home from work. Then we would eat dinner and dinner was always a heavy meal of meat and potatoes and when I say meat I don't mean chicken. I'm talking steak, lamb chops, briskit, beef stew, flanken. I think you get the idea. So that meant that I ate for hours while I sat by myself watching TV.

I stayed overweight until I was 40 years old. A few years after having Kerry I found Richard Simmons and with his help I was able to lose my weight. He became my weight loss guru and friend. I don't think I could have done it without his help and attention.

Richard and me last March

Kerry was a kid and there was so much to do. She took piano lessons. She became a girl scout. She started playing soccer. She joined the band. She kept me very busy and was there as the best company anyone could ask for. We would sit at the kitchen table and talk for hours just like I did with my mom. I kept my weight off without even really having to think about it. It was easy.

Kerry left for college in 2005 and I cried for three weeks. She had a boyfriend here so she started coming home every other weekend. I loved that. She also called me 5 times a day so it was almost as if she hadn't really left at all. I kept kept my weight off easily during this time.

Kerry and me at Hoover Dam

She broke up with her boyfriend 2 years later and stopped making those weekend trips home. I found myself sitting in front of the TV eating and my weight started to escalate. My beloved Lhasa Apso Mac also died around this time. This is something I still haven't gotten over.

Mac and me

I found Richard's online clubhouse and was able to get back on track and keep my weight down. I got a lot of support from the webbies and also met some of my very best friends. They are always there for me when I need them but they all live so far away. I wish they lived closer.

Fast forward to now. Kerry is up in Gainesville most of the time. I still hear from her 5 times a day but feel lonely most of the time. I miss having her here, in person to talk to and to be with. I find myself struggling with my weight. Here I am sitting in front of the TV eating again. It's just like it was when I was a kid and my mom went to work. Lonely and eating. I wish I could get over all of this but the struggle continues.

Shopping with the kid

Kerry is home for the rest of the week and since she got home my eating has been great. My eating was great when I went to LA to hang with my fellow fabbies also. I need to get a grip on this. If I don't I'll be just like I was in 6th grade. Overweight and taking crap from people.

The Fabs in LA a month ago

The Cyber Cruise

As I am writing this blog entry Richard Simmons is on his Cruise To Lose. Once a year he takes hundreds of people who need help with losing weight on a fun filled one week cruise. He has been doing it for years now. He teaches people about portion control, he holds exercise classes and has motivational classes all on a gorgeous cruise ship in exotic ports of call. I wish I could go but money is always an issue and I go on my LA trips instead. It's more fun.

When it is time for the Cruise To Lose and Richard takes to the seas his website has what they call the "Cyber Cruise". The clubhouse members get all the information and motivational tools that the real cruisers get and we are supposed to pretend that we are on the cruise.

Links are posted so that you can see the ship and ports of call. You go to your make believe cabin, you dine in the make believe dining room, you play craps in the make believe casino and you go on make believe day trips to the islands that the real cruise is at that day. It's all good fun and if you particiapte you can lose weight. OK! Now you've got my attention.

I've tried in years past to take part in the Cyber Cruises but it never kept my attention. I guess my imagination isn't that vivid or maybe I just don't have the time to be posting on the make believe cruise board about the make believe cruise. It just hasn't worked for me in the past but as always I had to check it all out at Richard's website.

This year's Cyber Cruise has some interesting things going on. Things that I need like tips to help you take your weight loss seriously and the revisiting of reasons why you want to lose weight in the first place. Richard is providing daily worksheets that make you think about the actual things that you are going to do in order to stay on program. These are helpful things for me. I guess it's just the slap of reality that I need to get me going again.

An important aspect of the Cyber Cruise this year is a worksheet called Facing The Scale. As I was filling it out I got a feeling of deja vu. I felt as if I had done that before. I searched through all of my Richard Simmons stuff which is an extensive collection and I found a sheet just like this in my old Deal A Meal life plan only it was called a contract with myself. I had filled it out all those years ago and I had actually made it to my goal weight so maybe that's one of the missing components for me. I haven't made a contract with myself.

I sat down and filled out all the paperwork that has been provided on the Cyber Cruise. It's made me think about things in a new but old way, if you get my drift. I've decided to continue with the paperwork for the rest of the week. It may be a very good thing for me after all. Thanks Richard. I'll keep ya posted.

LA-Bits and pieces

Hi Everybody! I'm back:)

I have been back from LA for a few days now but I am still finding it difficult to get back to my old life. I can't stop thinking about all the fun we had and how much time we spent laughing. I don't think I have ever laughed so much in my life. There are so many highlights to this trip that the whole week was a highlight. There were no lowlights but a few things stand out in my mind. I will tell you about one of them today.

Vennie, Claudia, Beth and Laura with the Starline Tour bus

Laura, Beth, Vennie and I decided to take The Starline Tour of the "Stars Homes". Of course the first thing that I asked for was for our Driver, George, to take us to Paul McCartney's house. George told me that Paul lived in Malibu and we were not going in that direction. Bummer, Major disappointment. One of the other passengers pipped up and said that he was friend's with Paul's girlfriend's ex and was invited to the wedding. I responded with "what wedding?" It turns out that Paul is planning to marry Nancy Shevall next year. Am I jealous? You bet!! Am I happy? You bet!! I just want Paul to be happy and he looks like he is. I AM still waiting for my phone to ring. After all, we all know that Paul would be much happier with me. :)

Paul and Nancy

Anyway, we took a 2 hour bus tour of the starts homes. The bus itself was an open air bus so the passengers were taking in the gorgeous LA weather and we really could see. We saw Ringo's home, Tom and Katie's old home, Jennifer Aniston's home, The Playboy Mansion, Lucille Ball's home, Merv Griffen's home. Just about everyone's home you could think of, both old hollywood and new hollywood, was included on this tour.

Laura sunbathing after climbing stairs

We were taken up into the mountains in order to get a really good look at the Hollywood sign and the LA skyline. The bus dropped us off almost all the way up but we had to climb up lots of steep stairs to get all the way up to the top. The view was really gorgeous and well worth the climb. I had been in a stair climbing mood all week(Richard's influence on me) so I was happy to take the stairs any chance that I got. Believe me, I had many opportunities.

Bethy at the top of the world

We (Vennie, Laura, Beth and me) made a special request to stop by Richard Simmons' home. George didn't know where it was but we did. He turned the bus on to a street up there in the hills and there it was. Richard's home!! We wanted to get out and ring the bell. One of the passangers on the bus even offered us $50 to do it. We would have done it for free anyway. Mean ole George wouldn't let us out of the bus. Tour rules you know. LOL

At one point, we pulled up in front of Michael Jackson's home and a limo pulled up right behind us. The gates opened and the guards just stood there waiting. We assumed that the limo behind us was carrying the Gloved One. All of a sudden the Limo pulled around us and sped down the block and the gates closed. I guess Michael didn't want to make an appearance with the tour bus sitting there. He's lucky he made this decision because if I had my chance I would have called him names and been really mean to him. After all, he stole The Beatles catalog of music from Paul years ago and any Paul McCartney fan worth his or her salt hates Michael Jackson.

Laura pointing at a celebrity home

We were driving around and the bus stopped in front of Patrick Dempsey's house. We sat there for a while looking around trying to see him. We could see that he had children's toys in the front yard but no Dr McDreamy. George decided to pull the bus away and all of a sudden from the other direction came a red Porche. It was Patrick Dempsey!!!! Right on my side of the bus!!!He waved to us. I was in heaven. Dr McDreamy!! OMG!! He really is gorgeous especially in person. He had shaved off some of that McDreamy stubble and you could really see his face.

Me, Vennie, Laura and Beth with LA behind us

OK, I've seen Paul in person 10 times, met Richard Simmons so many times that I can't count and now I've seen Patrick Dempsey in person. I'm a very happy girl.

Next installment to follow....

Food Sheet Day One

I did it! I actually did it. I filled out my first food sheet and I was totally truthful. It wasn't as bad as I thought. As a matter of fact I actually ate better yesterday than I had in ages. I guess it's the food sheet. I made believe that I was sending it to Richard so I was really very good for the first time in a long time. I even went back to weighing and measuring my food. Wow! The power of the food sheet (and the power of Richard Simmons). Let's see how long this lasts. :)

The podiatrist appointment was not the most pleasant thing in the world but at least now I know whats going on. Not only do I have Plantar Faciitis but I also have a heel spur and bursitis not to mention a fungus on my big toe. I had an X-ray and an ultrasound. Dr Tanner was a very nice guy until he attacked the side of my heel with a needle filled with cortisone. It didn't hurt at the time but it's hurting now. He says I should be feeling better soon but not to expect to be better today so I'm aiming for tomorrow. I am still having pain this morning. I have to go back next Monday to do it again. Oh yay! If this doesn't help then we will talk about custom orthodox and if that doesn't help then we talk about surgery. Not a discussion I want to have. Nope. Not at all.

I am going to finish up my coffee, start today's food sheet and hop on the rowing machine and see how bad it is. If I have time before work I will do some strength training and off to work to start my two weeks of working hell.

It pisses me off that I'm going to miss the Australian Open tennis match. I hear Andy Roddick beat Novak Djokowic. I have to see how Kerry's husband to be, Roger Federer did. I hope he won. LOL

More On The Blood Pressure

115/65 this morning. What a difference! Just changing the time when I take my blood pressure meds made a huge difference in my morning reading. This is the lowest reading I've ever gotten after just rolling out of bed. That is usually when I am at my highest. I sure hope it lasts. I feel better. No feeling of pressure in my head or headaches. I feel much calmer too. When I started taking the Lisinopril my readings were good and then all of a sudden they started going up, up, up so I hope that doesn't happen again. I like this feeling of calm.

I'm not thrilled about the a few of the side effects of this drug. Actually, there is only one that I don't like. It's the swelling or rapid weight gain. Just what I need! Swelling or rapid weight gain. Kill me now. I will try and counteract these effects with healthy food choices and exercise(a la Fucking Agreement). I know Richard would tell me to ignore these things and keep working hard so that's what I'm going to do.

I'm off from work today (Yay!) and I am going to Joy's early yoga class so I need to eat a little something now so that I won't crash after class and eat everything in sight when I get out. I do need to stop and get some groceries when class is done and I've noticed that when I don't eat breakfast I have absolutely no will power to say no to things in the market so I'm off to grab a small bowl of oatmeal. That should hold me until I make it home with fresh fruits and veggies for lunch.

I also need to get in a cardio workout today so I'm thinking that a little Disco Sweat or Party Off The Pounds (Hi Laura) is in my future. I'm outta here....

Happy New Year-I can't believe that I have been blogging for a whole year

Happy New Year to everyone.

I logged into my weight tracker in the clubhouse this morning. I knew as I was doing it that it wasn't going to be pretty but I decided to do it anyway. You see, the last time I posted my weight into my profile on Richard's website was January 1, 2008. I knew I had lost focus regarding my weight and I guess there was also an element of living in the dream world that you didn't gain much weight this year. Well, not! I am totally upset, embarrassed, humiliated, horrified and sickened to say that I gained 7.5 this year. Not only that but over the last two years I have allowed 12.5 to creep back onto my body and once again have weight to lose on New Years Day.

The only good thing that I can think of is that at least I faced the dreaded numbers on the scale. The credit for my facing my numbers goes to my friend who in a email made me realize that I really didn't know where I stood with my weight. Exactly. I knew my boobs were growing bigger and bigger every day. I knew that I was bringing food into the house that was destined to end up on my growing silhouette but I didn't know what the numbers were going to say. It was hard to look at it. For me this is a troublesome eventuality. I can't help but wonder what this says about my life and my mental state.

Yes, I could give a litany of excuses for why I gained weight. I could blame it on the plantar fasciitis that has stopped me from exercising and that would true. I could blame it on the fact that I work until 8:00PM and by the time I get home to make dinner I end up eating and then going to bed which is perfect way to pack on the pounds and that would be true too. Whatever and whoever is to blame I need to get over it and start back on a healthy lifestyle.

I guess I have to remember that my weight is within my control. I am very happy to say that I went to the track this morning and power walked 3 miles. When it was over I stretched out my foot and it's actually feeling pretty good. I'm hoping that my foot is beginning to heal and maybe I can get back to consistent exercise. Not only will that help my weight it will also help my self image and self esteem which has been in the toilet lately.

I have promised myself that I would make no grand proclamations on New Years and call them resolutions. In reviewing those proclamations from years past I realize that I don't usually attain them and that makes me feel like crap but I also know that goals need to be set so that a person has something to work towards. So here I go....

I want to get this extra weight off of me. My first "mini goal" will be to get back into the 140's. I know that it is going to take hard work and perseverance. I know that it would be easy to just give up but I can't. I just can't. I am going to live a healthier lifestyle this coming year. I am going to eat better foods and not quite as often. I am going to start regular exercise again and hope that my body responds well. I am going to do the very best that I can to get that old mindset back and lose this weight. You know "I can do it."

I also am going for a non weight related goal this year. I'm not really ready to write it down for all the world to see but I privately know what it is. I am going to work hard to achieve it.

I hope y'all enjoyed my blog this past year. I found it very interesting to go back and see what was going on in my head and my life last year. I hope this year you will be reading a fun and happy blog.

I want to wish all of you a happy and healthy new year.

Happy Birthday Laura

Today is a very special day. It is a special day because it is the birthday of a very special friend. I met her only by chance on the internet. She was a member of Richard Simmons clubhouse as I was. I had been reading her posts for a long time thinking to myself that this was an incredibly intelligent and strong person. Her posts were always funny, interesting and thought provoking. She also went against the grain on many occasions standing up for herself or others if she thought that she should never fearing retribution from the other people there. I liked that.

Beth on top, Vennie, Claudia and Laura. The Fab Four

I also admired her strength. Not only her strength of character but also her physical strength in coming back from life threatening illnesses that would have put anyone else either in the loony bin or the grave. Not to mention the fact that she had lost over 200 pounds!!! I remember thinking to myself that I wished I had that person for a friend but I also thought that she wouldn't want to be friends with me. What attributes could I possibly have that would make that person want to be my friend?

My gorgeous and brilliant friend Laura

Then Mac, my beloved lhasa apso and son, got terminally ill and I was thrown into a complete tizzy. I loved him so much and I was going to have to put him down. I thought I wanted to die with him. I posted about it on the clubhouse boards and who was it that posted back? It was this wonderful and wise person who gave me the strength to make the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. She kept me calm and assured me that I would have the strength to do what I had to do. I don't know what I would have done without her at that time in my life.

My son Mac

From that time on she has continued to be my wonderful and beloved friend. She keeps me sane when I go off the wall for whatever reason. She makes me laugh when I am sad. She gives me strength when I am weak and she gives me her friendship when I am feeling lonely. I'm still not sure why she would want to be MY friend but I thank the universe that she does. So.....HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAURA. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY

Wednesday Is The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life

Today's exercise will be an hour and a half yoga class and I'm happy about that. Wednesday's class is a ramped up hatha yoga practice. It includes vinyasa flow, more standing postures and sun salutations. It kicks my butt. I need to remember to bring a towel. I know Richard doesn't consider yoga exercise but he has never taken Juliana's Wednesday class. It would kick even his well toned butt.

Here is Juliana on the beach. Hey Richard, let's see you do this!!

Here I am in Downward Facing Dog

This is Pidgeon pose

I know you' ve seen this one before but it is one of my favs. Richard and me in love!!

I have promised Laura that I will behave myself during the holidays where food is concerned. In keeping my promise to my fellow fabbie this morning's breakfast was an egg white scramble with onions and red peppers. It reminded me of the fab breakfasts I get when I am on vacation and staying at the Hotel California aka Chez Laura. The food is outstanding and there is lots of it but I still manage to lose a couple of pounds when I go. So hey, hey, I'm on my way. OK Everyone sing along.....

Getting Old Sucks

I'm in trouble. I've developed this pain in the heel of my right foot. I've been checking it out online and it looks like I may have Planter Fascilitis. It started about 2 or 3 weeks ago and I really didn't pay much attention to it because it wasn't that bad in the beginning. After a while it got worse so I started taking an anti-inflammatory for it but that's really not working. After reading up on this condition I don't really know that there is much I can do about it except hope it goes away or get shots in my heel which I am not ready to do yet.

This is not a good thing for someone who needs to lose about 10 pounds and who likes to power walk for her exercise. It was hurting enough that I gave that up for a few days and decided to try a Richard Simmons video instead. Well, I found out this morning that it wasn't the greatest idea. I'm going to have to lay off for a while but my weight is not going to go down by laying off exercise. It seems like the only thing I can do is yoga and weight lifting neither of which is going to give me the cardio exercise that I need to burn calories. The extra 10 or 15 pounds that I am carrying around is only making this worse. Obesity is one of the causes of Planter Fascilitis.

This condition is also going to be a problem working at Curves. It's hard to work out with the ladies when you are in pain and sitting around is not an option. They need someone to workout with them and push them and I'm not sure I can do that now. I'm thinking that I'll just go on the machines and not do the marching or jogging on the recovery boards. I'm working tonight so we'll see how it goes.

I've also been having some trouble with my left wrist. I noticed that in yoga about a month ago. It comes and goes and feels like a touch of arthritis. Not much I can do about that other than get a brace so that's on the list of things to do today.

Oy vey. I'm falling apart. Getting old sucks!!

ps-Kerry is going to Gambia (kill me now) over the summer and has started a blog. It's on my list of favorite blogs. Check it out.

Struggling with my weight.....again

Here I go again. Struggling with my weight again. I stepped on the scale the day before yesterday and there it was. The number that I feel strikes the alarm. 150. It's a good 10 pounds out of my "acceptable weight range" and screams at me that the time is now to get a grip on myself.

I knew it when I stepped on the scale. I knew it before I weighed in. I really do not live in some dream world where I really think I am doing well and keeping the weight off. I know when my food is out of control and my exercise nonexistent. That little voice inside me tells me. Is that little voice me or Richard Simmons? I guess the answer to that question doesn't really matter. That fact that the voice is speaking to me is the issue and do I listen to it? God forbid.

OK. It's time to get a grip before I wake up one day in the future with 50 or 100 extra pounds to lose. The first step is to get back to daily exercise. I went to the track on Monday and power walked 4 miles. I also lifted weights that focused on my legs, shoulders and biceps. Yesterday I went to the track and power walked 4 more miles. Today is vinyasa yoga day and if you think yoga is easy try a vinyasa flow class. It will change your mind. I also plan to lift weights later on today and focus on my chest, back and triceps. Tomorrow will be double yoga day which means 3 hours of yoga and I have plans to meet my friend Sandy at the track to power walk on Friday. It looks like, as usual, exercise is the easy part. The hard part is the food.

I think I'll tackle that tomorrow.

Blame It On The Big Screen

A few weeks back we got our stimulus check in the mail. You know, the check that we are supposed to use to stimulate the economy and not use to pay bills with?

Well, I decided to be a good citizen of the United States and do just that. I finally bought the big screen HDTV that Pat and I have been talking about buying for over a year. We talked and talked but just couldn't seem to go out there and buy it.

I finally remembered that if a large purchase is to be made around here it's up to me to act upon it. Pat does not shop well unless it's for things that are small or golf related. In waiting for support from Pat (and forgetting that it's really up to me) I'd put money away for it and then spent the money on other things. I'd checked the newspapers for months and months waiting for just the right deal to be printed on the pages. It never seemed to present itself. I researched, researched and then researched some more. I just couldn't seem to pull the trigger.

One day a few weeks ago I was surfing the net and ended up on Amazon.com. I clicked on the electronics section and there it was. The 40 inch Samsung that I had been looking for and at a really good price. The thing that really intrigued me was the free delivery. Best Buy, Circuit City and all the other places I was looking were going to charge me $100 to deliver the TV to my home. Amazon was free!!

This is what I've been watching

I must say I was a little apprehensive ordering such a big ticket item online but Kerry really pushed me to do it. She was completely comfortable with Amazon and after reading all of the reviews about the wonderful experiences that other people had buying this HDTV I decided to give it a try. I'm really glad I did.

HD Paul on my Big Screen

First of all, Amazon has a price guarantee that I love. If they lower the price within 30 days of you ordering the product they will honor the lower price. All you have to do is email them. I managed to save $110 in a week just going the website and checking the price every day. I was thrilled with that.

Richard in HD!!!

The delivery service was on time and really professional. They showed up when they were supposed to, they set it up for me in my bedroom (right at the end of my bed so that I can get radiation burns because it is so close) and were out of the house before I was able to tip them. I was very happy with the "white glove service" that Amazon supplied and the TV is fantastic.

Hi Laura!!

If you are wondering where I have been lately, I've been sitting in front of my new HDTV like a zombie, watching, watching, watching. Being a TV addict to begin with, this new TV just feeds the monster (if you get my drift). 40" Paul!! What more could I ask for?

The hottest man on the planet! Shaving, no less. YUM!! (Sorry Pat & Richard)

Well, what did you expect? LOL

Hey, Hey, I'm On My Way

I'm on my way. Yes I am. I got on the scale today and I saw 145.5! Yeah!! I really wanted to see 145 again and although there is a .5 attached to it I'm still there. I feel as if I am on the right track again. You know, there seems to be something that clicks inside of you when you are on track and I'm feeling that click. If I can stay the course I should be in the 130's in a few weeks. I would really love that. As I've often said 139.5 would be fine. For me, being in the 130's means I'm at my goal weight. It also means that my life is good. It seems that I can judge how my life is going by how much I weigh. Hummm.....

I know that ramping up my exercise is partially responsible for the downward moving scale. I have been going to the track and also doing a lot of yoga which although Richard doesn't consider it toning I sure do. I'm happy to say that I have continued my yoga practice even though Juliana has gone away for the whole summer. This is the first year that I have done this. I have been going to The Yoga Source which is a studio that offers all different kinds of yoga. I found Joy who teaches a wonderful Hatha Yoga class and I have really been enjoying her style of teaching.

Me in wheel pose

I have been posting on the clubhouse boards a lot more lately. I have been posting on the exercise boards and on Laura's thread every day. I always do well when I am consistently posting on Richard's website. It's good to keep in touch with others that are going through the same thing as me and the other Fabs in particular. I've been weighing in and posting it on Laura's thread. I've noticed that this keeps me on track. Bethy started her own thread there too. I hope it helps her. I'm not going to start my own thread. Someone needs to be there to answer everyone. :)

Hugging Richard

My eating has been really good too. I have been eating 3 meals and one or two snacks a day. Kerry being home has been a double edged sword. Having her around stops me from grazing and that has helped but Kerry likes ice cream at night and she loves to eat out and that is not good. I guess I just need to make a commitment to continue on the healthy lifestyle path and as my mentor Richard Simmons (and Nike) says just do it.