Bathing Suit Shopping....Kill Me Now!!

Now that I have the new gym membership which includes a membership to three of our local pools I realized that I only had one bathing suit. I saw that Macy's was having a killer sale so I decided to go shopping and maybe add another one to my collection of one. NOT!!!! It was a horrible experience. So many different emotions surfaced during this shopping trip and none of them were good.

To begin with I have definitely gained weight. There is no denying it anymore. It's funny how even though the scale keeps going up you can really make yourself believe that it's not. I went into the store thinking that this was not going to be that bad. I was wrong. I've gained weight and there it was staring me in the face in the form of large flabby thighs, hanging skin and a big belly. Every suit I tried on looked terrible. Each one worse than the other. After about 10 of them I decided to screw getting a new suit. The people at the pool will just have to get used to the one that I have which I actually like. I guess I should have bought two when I found it.

After trying on the suits and feeling like crap I noticed the Auntie Anne's pretzel stand. I really wanted a cinnamon sugar pretzel. I mean I really wanted one but I walked by thinking to myself that eating a pretzel would not help in any way other than to make things worse.....but I really wanted one. Then I saw the cupcake stand. Anyone who knows me knows I love cake and cupcakes. They are a weakness of mine. I started walking towards it like a zombie. No thought, no mindfulness, no consequences. I mean after all, I was feeling like crap. I was fat again and one cupcake was not going to make or break the problem and it would make me feel good. As I got closer I reached in my pocket and grabbed my phone. I called my good friend Laura who always knows what to say to me whatever I may be going through. In thinking back on it I guess it was my subconcious that called Laura because all of sudden I found myself talking to her. I don't have any memory of pushing the buttons to call her. I don't even remember the thought process that I must have gone through before I called her. I just know that I did and as always she talked me down from the wall. I left the mall talking to her and not eating a cupcake.

I still feel terrible about the whole thing. I got on the scale this morning and there it was. 156. The scale keeps going up, up, up. I know why though. My eating has been terrible lately and my plantar fasciitis has stopped me from doing any hard exercise. I must say I am feeling really bad about myself. I am up in weight and out of shape. I look like crap in a bathing suit and I'm not doing anything much about it. I have no job and no prospects. Kerry is talking about going even further away than she is right now. I'm really feeling down. I find in writing this down that the fact that Kerry is talking about New Jersey, Michigan and Canada is really, really bothering me. It's the worst of all. I'm sorry, Peewee but it's the truth. I know that you have to go where it's best for your schooling and your career but......the tears are falling as I am writing. I can't help it.

I am going to drag myself into the living room and put on one of Richard's videos. Maybe that will make me feel better. It certainly won't hurt the gaining weight problem. It can only help but my heel pain limits me in what I can do. I don't want to go to the gym today. I just don't feel like it but I know that if I don't go and I don't do any exercise I'll be sorry later just like I was in the dressing room yesterday.

Never Give Up

Well, it's started. Kerry left on Monday afternoon and I haven't stopped eating since. It's actually amazing the amount of food that I can consume without really thinking about it. I let the loneliness I felt for my daughter overwhelm me and started eating. And it's the worst kind of eating. Emotional. What gets me is that I am aware of it. I know I'm doing it but don't or can't stop. What's up with that? Huh?

Breakfast is good. It's always good. I always have either a half of a bagel with one tablespoon of whipped cream cheese and an orange or a bowl of oatmeal with berries. Sometimes I even go all the way and make myself a mixture of Egg Beaters with onion, mushrooms and any other kind of veggie and a piece of toast. All of these are pretty good choices for a healthy breakfast. I do indulge in too much coffee in the morning but as for as food goes I think my breakfast choices are pretty good. After that I am screwed.

I don't really eat lunch. I start my grazing and it doesn't stop until I start getting ready for work. Now I have to ask myself is it grazing or binging? Does it really matter? All I know is that I don't really eat a real lunch. I just go for whatever is around. Fruit, cheese, almonds, lots of bread and rolls. Sometimes, every now and then, I'll have some soup or leftovers from the night before but I never stop there. I just keep going, eating until I get ready for work which is usually about 2:30. I've tried to change this but I keep going back to my bad habits.

Now looking at this a little closer it seems that I have food difficulties from lunch time to dinner time. OK, now that's about 4 hours or so. Maybe I need to find something to do during this time of day so that my head doesn't end up in the fridge looking for something that isn't even there. I wish I was more like my unbelievably talented and crafty friend Laura who makes beautiful jewelry. I've tried knitting, crocheting, painting by numbers and many other things. I'm just not very crafty so I always struggle and finally lose interest. I guess I need to find something interesting I can do during the time when I usually end up looking for food. I need to change things up. Not something that comes easily to me, change. I will try though. It's all about trying. Right? Like Richard always says "Never give up".

LA-Bits and pieces

Hi Everybody! I'm back:)

I have been back from LA for a few days now but I am still finding it difficult to get back to my old life. I can't stop thinking about all the fun we had and how much time we spent laughing. I don't think I have ever laughed so much in my life. There are so many highlights to this trip that the whole week was a highlight. There were no lowlights but a few things stand out in my mind. I will tell you about one of them today.

Vennie, Claudia, Beth and Laura with the Starline Tour bus

Laura, Beth, Vennie and I decided to take The Starline Tour of the "Stars Homes". Of course the first thing that I asked for was for our Driver, George, to take us to Paul McCartney's house. George told me that Paul lived in Malibu and we were not going in that direction. Bummer, Major disappointment. One of the other passengers pipped up and said that he was friend's with Paul's girlfriend's ex and was invited to the wedding. I responded with "what wedding?" It turns out that Paul is planning to marry Nancy Shevall next year. Am I jealous? You bet!! Am I happy? You bet!! I just want Paul to be happy and he looks like he is. I AM still waiting for my phone to ring. After all, we all know that Paul would be much happier with me. :)

Paul and Nancy

Anyway, we took a 2 hour bus tour of the starts homes. The bus itself was an open air bus so the passengers were taking in the gorgeous LA weather and we really could see. We saw Ringo's home, Tom and Katie's old home, Jennifer Aniston's home, The Playboy Mansion, Lucille Ball's home, Merv Griffen's home. Just about everyone's home you could think of, both old hollywood and new hollywood, was included on this tour.

Laura sunbathing after climbing stairs

We were taken up into the mountains in order to get a really good look at the Hollywood sign and the LA skyline. The bus dropped us off almost all the way up but we had to climb up lots of steep stairs to get all the way up to the top. The view was really gorgeous and well worth the climb. I had been in a stair climbing mood all week(Richard's influence on me) so I was happy to take the stairs any chance that I got. Believe me, I had many opportunities.

Bethy at the top of the world

We (Vennie, Laura, Beth and me) made a special request to stop by Richard Simmons' home. George didn't know where it was but we did. He turned the bus on to a street up there in the hills and there it was. Richard's home!! We wanted to get out and ring the bell. One of the passangers on the bus even offered us $50 to do it. We would have done it for free anyway. Mean ole George wouldn't let us out of the bus. Tour rules you know. LOL

At one point, we pulled up in front of Michael Jackson's home and a limo pulled up right behind us. The gates opened and the guards just stood there waiting. We assumed that the limo behind us was carrying the Gloved One. All of a sudden the Limo pulled around us and sped down the block and the gates closed. I guess Michael didn't want to make an appearance with the tour bus sitting there. He's lucky he made this decision because if I had my chance I would have called him names and been really mean to him. After all, he stole The Beatles catalog of music from Paul years ago and any Paul McCartney fan worth his or her salt hates Michael Jackson.

Laura pointing at a celebrity home

We were driving around and the bus stopped in front of Patrick Dempsey's house. We sat there for a while looking around trying to see him. We could see that he had children's toys in the front yard but no Dr McDreamy. George decided to pull the bus away and all of a sudden from the other direction came a red Porche. It was Patrick Dempsey!!!! Right on my side of the bus!!!He waved to us. I was in heaven. Dr McDreamy!! OMG!! He really is gorgeous especially in person. He had shaved off some of that McDreamy stubble and you could really see his face.

Me, Vennie, Laura and Beth with LA behind us

OK, I've seen Paul in person 10 times, met Richard Simmons so many times that I can't count and now I've seen Patrick Dempsey in person. I'm a very happy girl.

Next installment to follow....

The Podiatrist And Food Sheets

I have the podiatrist appointment at 9:00 this morning. I hope something can be done for my heel pain so that I can exercise again. My weight is skyrocketing. Not good.

I got the rowing machine from my brother the other day. I haven't been on it yet. My plan is to try it out today after my doctor's appointment. I hope I don't hate it as much as I remember hating it the last time I did it. I plan on setting it up in front of the TV which I'm hoping will help pass the time. Maybe I'll put some Paul videos on. It's always nice to watch young Paul singing My Love or Silly Love Songs. Yeah, that should help.

On another note, I was reading my fellow Fabbie Laura's blog and once again she mentioned that she fills out Richard's food sheets which mimics a food diary. She has always said that it helps her look at what and how she is eating. I have never been one for food diaries. Maybe it's because I don't really want to see what I am eating in writing or maybe I'm just lazy but either one of these two reasons is not good enough. I have to do something to stop the upward trend in my weight. I've made a momentous decision. OK, maybe not momentous but a decision none the less. I am going to download some of the food sheets from Richard's website and fill them out for a week and see how it goes. I probably should have picked a different week because my work schedule is going to be crazy for the next two weeks. One of my co-workers is going away and I have to fill in. Crazy week or not I am going to fill out some food sheets and really look at what I am eating. Maybe I really don't want to know.

All Is Well After All

I'm thrilled to say that the universe shined down upon us yesterday. The cardiologist gave us the answer that we wanted to hear which was don't worry be happy. I think I can do that. It was a scary time but I'm happy to say all is well in the end.

On another note, today I am getting my hair cut. Ever since I was in LA and had my hair cut by Rick I have been chasing that haircut. I've gotten good haircuts but never one as good as Rick's cut. I've tried using the hair stuff that he sold me but I still can't get my hair to look like it did in LA. Maybe it was the weather or maybe it was the company I was keeping. I don't know. I guess we'll see how it goes.

My LA haircut along with Laura, Beth and Vennie with their LA haircuts

I still have lots to do for the holidays. I have to get Pat to get the Christmas tree down from the attic and I have to buy Chanukah candles. Yeah, we do both around here. I still have some gifts to buy and I also have to find a way to wrap the presents without wrapping paper. Kerry doesn't want to use wrapping paper because it's bad for the earth so I guess I'll go to the dollar store and buy some fancy boxes that don't have to be wrapped. I'll also use the comics from the newspaper. We do all we can to be green around here.

I'm still doing well with food as I promised Laura I would do. She is doing very well too as I knew she would. Her blog about the brownie dilemma proved that. I'm proud of her and I'm proud of me too.

My Life On A Tuesday

This semester Kerry has been taking music theory 3 which includes an ear training test. She has been having one hellva time with it as all the kids have been. Her professor has been giving these tests over and over because you have to pass one in order to pass the class. She has taken a bunch of them with no luck and I know she was starting to get nervous as the semester is coming to a close. Well, I got the call yesterday. Kerry passed her ear training test!! Yay!! Now it's on to music theory 4 and then she is finished with music theory. Believe me, she will throw a party once she is done with it.

Today is yoga day. I have my private with Juliana which I am always looking foward to. Not only do I feel better physically after a private I feel much better mentally. She has a really good effect on me. She is my spiritual mentor.

Yesterday was a great food day and I'm going to have a good one today too. I'm happy to report that I am still holding at 152.5 which means I'm keeping my promise to my fellow fabbie Laura. I am behaving myself with food during the holiday season.

My heel is still bothering me big time. It gets better for a day but as soon as I stand on it or walk for any period of time I'm in pain again. I think it's time to give in and go see Dr Bob. I was hoping to wait until the first of the year to see him. He is not included on my medical insurance plan which means everytime I see him I have to pay him and it goes towards my out of network deductable and I hate to waste an expensive office visit at the end of December but you gotta do what you gotta do and I gotta do it.

I'm off now to try and work out to one of Richard's videos if my foot will allow me. I also have to work at Curves today which means standing up for hours and hours. Oy vey! Oh well, such is life. See y'all...Did I just say y'all????? LOL LOL

Happy Birthday Laura

Today is a very special day. It is a special day because it is the birthday of a very special friend. I met her only by chance on the internet. She was a member of Richard Simmons clubhouse as I was. I had been reading her posts for a long time thinking to myself that this was an incredibly intelligent and strong person. Her posts were always funny, interesting and thought provoking. She also went against the grain on many occasions standing up for herself or others if she thought that she should never fearing retribution from the other people there. I liked that.

Beth on top, Vennie, Claudia and Laura. The Fab Four

I also admired her strength. Not only her strength of character but also her physical strength in coming back from life threatening illnesses that would have put anyone else either in the loony bin or the grave. Not to mention the fact that she had lost over 200 pounds!!! I remember thinking to myself that I wished I had that person for a friend but I also thought that she wouldn't want to be friends with me. What attributes could I possibly have that would make that person want to be my friend?

My gorgeous and brilliant friend Laura

Then Mac, my beloved lhasa apso and son, got terminally ill and I was thrown into a complete tizzy. I loved him so much and I was going to have to put him down. I thought I wanted to die with him. I posted about it on the clubhouse boards and who was it that posted back? It was this wonderful and wise person who gave me the strength to make the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. She kept me calm and assured me that I would have the strength to do what I had to do. I don't know what I would have done without her at that time in my life.

My son Mac

From that time on she has continued to be my wonderful and beloved friend. She keeps me sane when I go off the wall for whatever reason. She makes me laugh when I am sad. She gives me strength when I am weak and she gives me her friendship when I am feeling lonely. I'm still not sure why she would want to be MY friend but I thank the universe that she does. So.....HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAURA. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY

Wednesday Is The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life

Today's exercise will be an hour and a half yoga class and I'm happy about that. Wednesday's class is a ramped up hatha yoga practice. It includes vinyasa flow, more standing postures and sun salutations. It kicks my butt. I need to remember to bring a towel. I know Richard doesn't consider yoga exercise but he has never taken Juliana's Wednesday class. It would kick even his well toned butt.

Here is Juliana on the beach. Hey Richard, let's see you do this!!

Here I am in Downward Facing Dog

This is Pidgeon pose

I know you' ve seen this one before but it is one of my favs. Richard and me in love!!

I have promised Laura that I will behave myself during the holidays where food is concerned. In keeping my promise to my fellow fabbie this morning's breakfast was an egg white scramble with onions and red peppers. It reminded me of the fab breakfasts I get when I am on vacation and staying at the Hotel California aka Chez Laura. The food is outstanding and there is lots of it but I still manage to lose a couple of pounds when I go. So hey, hey, I'm on my way. OK Everyone sing along.....

Doing The Best That I Can

I am doing the best that I can just like I tell Kerry when she calls and is all upset about an upcoming test. Just do the best you can. Yep, that's what I'm doing and I guess it's all anyone can do.

I am doing the best I can at work. While I may not be making a crapload of money I realize that I am lucky to have a job at all not to mention one that I enjoy. I love helping "my ladies" enjoy their exercise time and as I've said before in other blog entries, I learn a lot from them so it is a real give and take. I give them encouragement and they share their knowledge and life stories. I worry about them though. The economy is hitting them hard and there is some thought that the money that they spend on Curves could be better spent on bread, milk and gas. There is definitely some truth in that however if they don't exercise they won't be healthy enough to go the the grocery store or be driving their cars. They say that they will go for walks for exercise but as they say that to me we both know that they won't. I hope they make the right decision and stay. For them and for me.

My Curves

I am doing the best that I can with my weight. Well.....maybe not. I'd like to think that I am doing my best but I know I'm not. My food has been pretty horrible lately and I've also been lazy when it comes to my exercise. I'm finding a lot of excuses for not going to the track or getting in my weight lifting. Like right now, today. I pulled my back out (doing what, I don't know) but I can't exercise. It's a great excuse but it is also a fact. The only physical activity that I have been true to is yoga. I still go to my classes and also practice at home. I love it but I realize I need more than that. My waistline continues to expand along with my love of food. Yeah, it's a pretty negative picture but on the brighter side every day is a new start. Yeah, the first day of the rest of my life. Another bright spot is a very long conversation that I had on the phone with my fellow fabbie, Laura, who never fails to bring me back down to earth when we talk about this. She keeps me sane about this by telling me to just do the best that I can.

Practicing yoga...Wheel pose

There is not a hell of a lot that I can do about the ecomony but I can do the best that I can in my little world. I can keep an eye on our money by checking the stock market every day but not get crazy from it. I can keep reading and learning about all things financial and continue making good sound financial decisions such as not crapping my money away at the local casinos and banking as much as possible. I'll be happy when I can fly off to LA for a Fab reunion because I was able to save money by keeping out of the casinos. Yeah, doing the best that I can with my money will pay off big in the end.

Our last Fab Four Reunion

I do the best that I can as a mom. I am ALWAYS there for the kid. If she needs me I am totally there for her no matter what it is that she needs. This one is very easy for me. Kerry means everything to me and doing the best for her brings out the best in me.

"The Kid"

I will also do the best I can do for my county. That means I will be sure to vote. It's the least I can do and the best I can do. I hope you will all do the best you can do too.

Blame It On The Big Screen

A few weeks back we got our stimulus check in the mail. You know, the check that we are supposed to use to stimulate the economy and not use to pay bills with?

Well, I decided to be a good citizen of the United States and do just that. I finally bought the big screen HDTV that Pat and I have been talking about buying for over a year. We talked and talked but just couldn't seem to go out there and buy it.

I finally remembered that if a large purchase is to be made around here it's up to me to act upon it. Pat does not shop well unless it's for things that are small or golf related. In waiting for support from Pat (and forgetting that it's really up to me) I'd put money away for it and then spent the money on other things. I'd checked the newspapers for months and months waiting for just the right deal to be printed on the pages. It never seemed to present itself. I researched, researched and then researched some more. I just couldn't seem to pull the trigger.

One day a few weeks ago I was surfing the net and ended up on Amazon.com. I clicked on the electronics section and there it was. The 40 inch Samsung that I had been looking for and at a really good price. The thing that really intrigued me was the free delivery. Best Buy, Circuit City and all the other places I was looking were going to charge me $100 to deliver the TV to my home. Amazon was free!!

This is what I've been watching

I must say I was a little apprehensive ordering such a big ticket item online but Kerry really pushed me to do it. She was completely comfortable with Amazon and after reading all of the reviews about the wonderful experiences that other people had buying this HDTV I decided to give it a try. I'm really glad I did.

HD Paul on my Big Screen

First of all, Amazon has a price guarantee that I love. If they lower the price within 30 days of you ordering the product they will honor the lower price. All you have to do is email them. I managed to save $110 in a week just going the website and checking the price every day. I was thrilled with that.

Richard in HD!!!

The delivery service was on time and really professional. They showed up when they were supposed to, they set it up for me in my bedroom (right at the end of my bed so that I can get radiation burns because it is so close) and were out of the house before I was able to tip them. I was very happy with the "white glove service" that Amazon supplied and the TV is fantastic.

Hi Laura!!

If you are wondering where I have been lately, I've been sitting in front of my new HDTV like a zombie, watching, watching, watching. Being a TV addict to begin with, this new TV just feeds the monster (if you get my drift). 40" Paul!! What more could I ask for?

The hottest man on the planet! Shaving, no less. YUM!! (Sorry Pat & Richard)

Well, what did you expect? LOL