Where Does Self Confidence Come From?

It's the question of the day for me. Where does self confidence come from? Why don't I have any? Like today, for example. I am teaching at Juliana's which is always a wonderful experience. The students are always very complimentary when class is over. I've never heard one bad thing about my teaching but right now I'm sitting here nervous about teaching. Why don't I ever believe my own good press?

After class today, my best yoga bud in the entire world, Ruth is taking me over to LA Fitness to talk to the person who hires the yoga teachers for all the clubs in this area. I am totally nervous about this meeting. Now, not only am I a Registered Yoga Teacher certified by the Yoga Alliance and CPR certified but I also worked at Curves for a year and a half. I've lost 95 pounds in my life. I'M FRIENDS WITH RICHARD SIMMONS!!!! It seems to me that I would be a great fit for them but still I am nervous. What if they don't like me? What if they do like me? The idea of walking up in front of 30 or 40 people and teaching is making me sick to my stomach. Why am I even doing this? Yeah, I need to find my self confidence. Where is it?

One door closes......

My career as Richard Simmons has come to an end. Yesterday was my last shift at Curves and it was very hard to say goodbye to my ladies. They cried, I cried, everyone cried. I got loads of hugs and kisses, well wishes and phone numbers. I'm just sorry that I didn't get to see some of my favorite friends because it all happened so fast. Yesterday I was employed and today I'm not.

I am going to take my time in finding another job. I'm not going to take something that is not perfect for me. Curves was fun but it definitely not perfect. Working until 8:00pm was horrible. I missed seeing Pat when he got home from work and eating dinner at 9:00pm most nights and then going to bed was terrible. That is a sure way to gain weight and in the 18 months that I worked at Curves I gained 15 pounds. When I took the job I thought "oh, this is going to be great. I'll get lots of exercise" but in reality I didn't. I did lots of standing around, talking and watching other people work out. I guess I lost myself and became a Curves puppet. I allowed myself to be taken advantage of and treated badly by people who had no right to treat me that way. I started feeling worthless and two inches tall. I'm over that now.

I am back to working on myself to be the best person I can possibly be. My eating has improved by leaps and bounds since I made the decision to leave Curves and have taken on Ang's summer challenge. I had an experience this morning that I haven't had in years. I got on the scale and the number was so unbelievable that I jumped off and got back on to make sure the scale wasn't wrong the first time but the number was there the second time too. 150. Is it really possible that I lost 5.5 pounds in such a short period with only weight lifting and yoga for exercise? I guess it is.

Once my foot pain calms down (if it ever does) I am going to go back to my daily power walks. I always felt great walking outside listening to Paul (The Beatles) or disco or Cat Stevens. I definitely miss it. That's for sure. In the meantime, I will continue yoga, toning and may even, dare I say it?, do one of Richard's tapes from chair. I'm hoping that now that I'm not standing for 5 hours a night my foot will start feeling better but in the meantime I am going to do the best that I can. You know, the F***ing Agreement. Do the best you can with what you have.

Well, the Curves door has closed and I'm excited to see which door will open next.

Now It's My Turn

I was working at Curves last Tuesday and I was telling the ladies about Pat and how sick he had gotten. I told them that I took care of him, gave him his medicine, made chicken soup and keep an eye on him. I also said that I was very happy that I had been lucky and not caught whatever it was that he had. One of the ladies, Betsy, said "Well, it's not over yet. You still could be incubating something." Well, guess what? She was right. I was incubating something. Now I am full blown sick. Whaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!! Yep, that was me whining!!

I feel like crap and I have to work tonight anyway. One of my co-workers is out of town and Lisa will not care that I am sick. She will tell me to stay behind the desk and tell everyone that I am trying not to get them sick. Lisa doesn't work double shifts and she is working this morning so I am not even going to bother calling in sick. I also have to work tomorrow morning. I just hope I am feeling better then.

On a happier note, Kerry is coming home tomorrow for about 10 days and I can't wait. We are going to the Coldplay concert In West Palm Beach on May 15th and I am really looking forward to that. We will also go window shopping. Note I said window shopping. Money is tight and the days of frivolous spending are gone. I'm sure Kerry will talk me into something. :)

The face I can't say no to. The kid!

Foot Trouble

My heel pain is back big time. I can't do any real exercise without feeling really bad pain either later that day or the next day. I finally decided to go to a podiatrist for help. I got some suggestions of good doctors from my Curves ladies and I looked them up on my insurance plan. I found one that is pretty close to home and on my insurance too. The only problem is that I won't be able to get in to see him until a week from Thursday. Consequently, that is my birthday. Happy birthday to me. I hope this guy can help me because if this doesn't stop not only will I weigh 900 pounds I'll be out of work. I am finding it increasingly difficult to stand on my feet for hours at Curves even when I am only working three days a week. Next week one of co-workers will be leaving for 10 days and I will have to work at least one shift each day. I am not looking forward to this.

I'm actually surprised how much I miss my daily exercise. I miss going to the track to walk each day especially during this beautiful weather. I miss doing a Richard Simmons video in my living room. At this point the only thing I can do is weight training which I am going to do today. I think I will work on my legs, chest and back. I did my biceps and triceps the other day. I'm hoping that I can keep my weight stable by working with weights even though I can't do any cardio.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Angela's Party

Saturday night was Angela's going away party and it was lots of fun. Tijuana Taxi has a wonderful staff and our waitress took very good care of us.

Our beautiful waitress

We all ordered our drinks (in my case a mango margarita) and before long we were feeling no pain.

Lisa (my boss), Angela and Dina

Betsy and Carol

We all chipped in and bought a beautiful silver bracelet for Angela. Lisa and I picked out charms that reflected life here in Florida so that every time Angela wore it she would think of us. There was a fish, a flip flop, dolphins, a sand dollar, a sea shell and of course a little margarita glass.

Angela showing off her new bracelet

The Curves girls. Dina, Judy, Marie, Me, Angela, Lisa and Betsy

Angela finishing off her huge drink

I'm going to miss you Ang. My nights at Curves won't be the same without you.

Busy Saturday

I have lots to do today. I say that as I am sitting on my bed with the computer and not doing all of the things that I have to do. My new big screen TV has turned out to be a problem. I can't seem to get off my ass and away from it but today I will.

I have to go food shopping today. I don't have any good food around so I will go to Publix and stock up. I will buy milk, fruit, veggies, meat for Pat and Morningstar Farms meat substitutes for me. Oh yeah, bread too. I have a problem with bread. I love newly baked, soft, squishy bread. I'll have to keep myself from eating the whole loaf. Toilet paper and paper towels will be in my shopping cart today too. No eating problems there. LOL

I have to dye my hair today. Looking in the mirror yesterday I realized that I looked like an eighty year old lady with all of my gray hair. I'm also going to get a little crazy and buy some highlights. First I'll do my dark brown thing and a few days later I'm going to try a few red highlights. I hope it will turn out well.

I have to do laundry today too. I have a going away party at Tijuana Taxi tonight for one of my very favorite Curves ladies, Angela and I have nothing to wear. She is leaving next week and moving back to Washington DC. Her husband couldn't find a job here but was able to score work in DC. I'll miss the hell out of Angela. She is fun, beautiful and full of life. I'll miss her nightly visits to Curves. I'm sure we will all be drinking Margaritas in Angela's honor. I plan on taking pictures at the party. It should be fun.

I have to do a mini grooming job on Rigby today too. His ears are way too long. They fall into his food dish when he eats and they get all crusty so I'm going to cut them down. If Mac is any indication of my grooming skills Rigby will be funny looking when I am done.

Rigby in need of a haircut

I also have to call my brother Jon today. I need to know if he is planning on coming here for Thanksgiving or going to his new girlfriend's house. I'm good either way. Whatever makes him happy makes me happy. After all Kerry's coming home next week and it's all good from there.

I also hope to get a chance to go to Foot Solutions to get some inserts for my shoes. My heel is still hurting and it really sucks. I wish my foot would get better. If it doesn't get better soon it'll be a visit to my very favorite Dr Berman. I am still unable to exercise and afraid to get on the scale.

See ya soon.

Getting Old Sucks

I'm in trouble. I've developed this pain in the heel of my right foot. I've been checking it out online and it looks like I may have Planter Fascilitis. It started about 2 or 3 weeks ago and I really didn't pay much attention to it because it wasn't that bad in the beginning. After a while it got worse so I started taking an anti-inflammatory for it but that's really not working. After reading up on this condition I don't really know that there is much I can do about it except hope it goes away or get shots in my heel which I am not ready to do yet.

This is not a good thing for someone who needs to lose about 10 pounds and who likes to power walk for her exercise. It was hurting enough that I gave that up for a few days and decided to try a Richard Simmons video instead. Well, I found out this morning that it wasn't the greatest idea. I'm going to have to lay off for a while but my weight is not going to go down by laying off exercise. It seems like the only thing I can do is yoga and weight lifting neither of which is going to give me the cardio exercise that I need to burn calories. The extra 10 or 15 pounds that I am carrying around is only making this worse. Obesity is one of the causes of Planter Fascilitis.

This condition is also going to be a problem working at Curves. It's hard to work out with the ladies when you are in pain and sitting around is not an option. They need someone to workout with them and push them and I'm not sure I can do that now. I'm thinking that I'll just go on the machines and not do the marching or jogging on the recovery boards. I'm working tonight so we'll see how it goes.

I've also been having some trouble with my left wrist. I noticed that in yoga about a month ago. It comes and goes and feels like a touch of arthritis. Not much I can do about that other than get a brace so that's on the list of things to do today.

Oy vey. I'm falling apart. Getting old sucks!!

ps-Kerry is going to Gambia (kill me now) over the summer and has started a blog. It's on my list of favorite blogs. Check it out.

Doing The Best That I Can

I am doing the best that I can just like I tell Kerry when she calls and is all upset about an upcoming test. Just do the best you can. Yep, that's what I'm doing and I guess it's all anyone can do.

I am doing the best I can at work. While I may not be making a crapload of money I realize that I am lucky to have a job at all not to mention one that I enjoy. I love helping "my ladies" enjoy their exercise time and as I've said before in other blog entries, I learn a lot from them so it is a real give and take. I give them encouragement and they share their knowledge and life stories. I worry about them though. The economy is hitting them hard and there is some thought that the money that they spend on Curves could be better spent on bread, milk and gas. There is definitely some truth in that however if they don't exercise they won't be healthy enough to go the the grocery store or be driving their cars. They say that they will go for walks for exercise but as they say that to me we both know that they won't. I hope they make the right decision and stay. For them and for me.

My Curves

I am doing the best that I can with my weight. Well.....maybe not. I'd like to think that I am doing my best but I know I'm not. My food has been pretty horrible lately and I've also been lazy when it comes to my exercise. I'm finding a lot of excuses for not going to the track or getting in my weight lifting. Like right now, today. I pulled my back out (doing what, I don't know) but I can't exercise. It's a great excuse but it is also a fact. The only physical activity that I have been true to is yoga. I still go to my classes and also practice at home. I love it but I realize I need more than that. My waistline continues to expand along with my love of food. Yeah, it's a pretty negative picture but on the brighter side every day is a new start. Yeah, the first day of the rest of my life. Another bright spot is a very long conversation that I had on the phone with my fellow fabbie, Laura, who never fails to bring me back down to earth when we talk about this. She keeps me sane about this by telling me to just do the best that I can.

Practicing yoga...Wheel pose

There is not a hell of a lot that I can do about the ecomony but I can do the best that I can in my little world. I can keep an eye on our money by checking the stock market every day but not get crazy from it. I can keep reading and learning about all things financial and continue making good sound financial decisions such as not crapping my money away at the local casinos and banking as much as possible. I'll be happy when I can fly off to LA for a Fab reunion because I was able to save money by keeping out of the casinos. Yeah, doing the best that I can with my money will pay off big in the end.

Our last Fab Four Reunion

I do the best that I can as a mom. I am ALWAYS there for the kid. If she needs me I am totally there for her no matter what it is that she needs. This one is very easy for me. Kerry means everything to me and doing the best for her brings out the best in me.

"The Kid"

I will also do the best I can do for my county. That means I will be sure to vote. It's the least I can do and the best I can do. I hope you will all do the best you can do too.

Busy And Lazy All At The Same Time

Hi Everybody, :)

Yeah, I'm still here. I really don't have any excuses for not posting other than I have been busy and lazy. Ah...now that's interesting. Busy and lazy all at the same time.

Let's see. Busy. OK. Busy with work. Not only have I been working my regular shifts I have also been filling in when needed as well as going around to local businesses and schools to try to spread the word about Curves. You see, there are some health insurance policies that include full payment to come to our facility. We have lots of teachers and Broward County employees that are coming free of charge and we are trying to stir up some interest at these places. We are also trying to make some new contacts around town. Bra stores, tanning salons, nail salons, day spas and any other place that we think the ladies might hang out. New sign ups can sometimes mean more commissions. Note I said sometimes. No, commissions are not paid for the ladies who sign up with insurance. Only non-insurance people are counted for commission payment however we are always trying to increase our membership. The club must make a profit or I won't have a job. Yeah, I 'm busy keeping my job.

I've also been busy with Kerry. She calls me in between classes so she has someone to talk to while she is walking around campus. She calls me 100 times a day. Well, maybe not 100 but many, many times a day. If you count up all the calls we spend hours on the phone every day. She decided to come home last weekend and we had a really wonderful time together. We went shopping! Surprise, surprise. We spent way too much money on a Diane Von Furstenberg Dress that looked so fantastic on Kerry that I just couldn't say no. There's my problem again. Saying no. I don't do it well especially when it comes to the kid. I really don't mind working for a month to pay for Kerry's new dress. LOL. It's all worth it in the end. It's time spent with my only daughter who means everything to me. So, yeah, I'm busy with Kerry.

I'm busy with yoga. I have increased my yoga practice to classes three times a week along with my own private practice which is done a couple of times a week in my living room. I actually have yoga class today and I need to get going. Yeah, I'm busy with yoga.

I'm busy with Pat. We make sure that we spend time together. With him working every day and me working at least three nights a week it can become really easy to come home, say hi, have dinner and go to sleep. We try to make time to pay attention to each other every day. Now, am I the one doing most of the trying? Oh yeah but I don't mind. He's a guy. I get that. I realize that I do most of the "work" in our relationship but we are still very happy and in love even after almost 40 years together. Did I say 40 years? OMG!! Yeah, I'm busy with Pat.

Rigby keeps me busy too. I'm either pulling things out of his mouth, drying off the drool, combing him, feeding him, taking him out, chasing him around or trying to keep him quiet which is a full time job. He's worth the effort though. He is, after all, my son. :)

Now comes the I'm lazy part. On my off days (and if Kerry isn't home) I spend an amazing amount of time sitting in front of my new big screen TV. The Olympics and the US Open tennis match have kept me glued to my TV. Now the college football season has gotten under way. Go Gators! Go Tim Tebow! I gotta tell you, HD is a wonderful thing especially for sports and for Paul too.

I find it really easy to be lazy. I'm not one of those people who have to be doing something. I love being lazy and doing nothing.

So yeah, busy and lazy. That's me. I gotta go. It's time to get ready for yoga. It keeps me busy.

Monday, Monday

It's Monday today. Back to work and back on track. I am down 5 of the 15 pounds that I had gained and I'm feeling good. I've been good with food and consistent with exercise. I went to the track this weekend as well and a Friday yoga class and a Saturday yoga workshop.

Making healthy food choices will be my challenge today as I have already been to the track and powerwalked 4 hot and sweaty miles. I will be moving tonight at Curves. It's all about the food today. It's all about the food every day. Oh yeah.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank my blogging friends, Laura, Beth, Vennie and Ang. Your blogs give me motivation, make me laugh, and let me know that I am not alone.

Happy Birthday to you yesterday Bethy. I hope you had a great day. Laura, Vennie and Ang I love you all.

My wonderful ladies

I have been working a lot lately. Michele, the club manager and holder of most of the available hours left to get married. She will be back in three weeks. Her last day was Monday. I work on Monday nights with her but Michele left early to get ready to fly to St John's and marry her long time boyfriend. I am happy for her but I must say that working this many hours is hard on me physically and I still have two more weeks until Michele comes back and reclaims her hours. Actually, although I am VERY tired I am finding it rewarding on many levels.

My ladies are really wonderful people who are struggling with excess weight and trying to stay healthy. Many of them are teachers at the local schools and are highly intelligent. I mean, lets face it, high school math teachers are brilliant. There is always spirited conversation at my Curves. I make sure of it. It's my job to keep things rolling along and make sure the ladies are having fun.

The other day I was doing a double day which is when I work both morning and afternoon/evening shits. I have been doing quite a few of these lately but usually I am the afternoon/evening worker. The morning ladies are completely different people from the afternoon ladies. It's just a different crowd in the morning. It is mostly older retired people with a few early morning, before work exercisers. So anyway, as I was saying, I opened the club the other day at 7:00 am and there was a lady waiting for me to open. I opened up and let her in.

When she logged in the computer told me her name was Suzette. She was not anyone I recognized but I started to talk to her as I would any of our Curves clients. It didn't take me long to find out that this lady is a Pre-Med advisor at one of this area's premier med schools. In other words, she is the person that helps the college kids get their applications together to get into med schools. I told her about Kerry and her desire to get into a medical school, any medical school.

This wonderful lady is going to meet with my daughter, go over her resume and tell her how to get into med school. She is even willing to give the kid a letter of recommendation based on her favorable feelings toward me. This is an unbelievable stroke of luck for us. Kerry needs help putting her application together and here we have a professional person willing to help her do that. I feel very lucky to have met this wonderful woman.

Lori helped me with my homowner's insurance. When the insurance company raised my homeowner's insurance $1400 per year she advised me to get a specific inspection that saved me over half of the proposed increase. This same lady gave me wonderful advice about refinancing my house which is happening now. She has saved me so much money.

Carol works at our local Dillards. She is always the one who tells me about the 75% off sales on shoes and clothes. She is a New Yorker like me and we kibitz a lot. It's fun. I like her very much. She is a little piece of home.

Angela is a travel agent. She is helping me get Kerry a ticket to go to Cincinnati after her MCATs for a good price. Angela is a gorgeous, fun loving, partying, lovely lady with a big heart, She even brought her dog, Kona, to meet me after hearing so much about Rigby.

Gloria, dare I say it, met Paul. Yep, my Paul. Paul McCartney. She worked for Island Records in the 60's and 70's. She also turned down Mick Jagger for a date because he called her too late and she was sleeping. She met Cat Stevens, Elton John, Stevie Windwood and Ian Anderson among other huge stars. I always love to hear her stories. She lived my dream life. Actually, she was one of my most quiet ladies to start with. It was a challenge bringing her out but I was able to get her to start talking. OMG, was I glad?

These are just a few of the ladies that I have met at my Curves. Yeah, I work my ass off and don't make much money but boy, oh, boy, what fantastic benefits.

The more I work the more wonderful people I meet. I remember when I started this job I said to Juliana, my yoga teacher that I was upset because I wasn't making much money. She told me to be mindful and maybe there would be other benefits to this job. Once again, Juliana was right.

Back in the saddle again

Lately I have not been going to the track as often as I should. I have used the excuse that I don't have to go because I work at Curves and get a lot of exercise there. While it is true that I work at Curves it is not true that I get that much real aerobic exercise while I am working. Usually, I am standing in the circle and moving but not enough to get my heart rate up and certainly not for the 50-60 minutes that I need to keep my weight under control. I have finally come to the realization that I need to go back to my old exercise habits and go to the track every day or at least 6 days a week. I started back on Wednesday and walked 3-4 miles every day so far.

My favorite place to exercise-"The Track"

I also have to start weight training in my home again. Yep, I stopped doing that too. I always found it easier to stick to my walking regiment than to the weekly weight lifting sessions. I know that yoga definitely helps with toning but it is not a substitute for 3 good, solid, hard, weight training sessions every week and I need to get back to that as well.

So.......I am here to say that I am getting back in the exercise saddle again. I have already started going to the track again and it feels great to be back. My attitude has improved and the scale is already moving in the downward direction albeit very slowly.

My weight training sessions will be starting today. I will be working my shoulders, chest and triceps with free weights while watching the Grey's Anatomy DVDs that the kid bought for me on my birthday. Oh yeah, I am totally addicted to Grey's but that's a subject for another blog. LOL

The cast of Grey's Anatomy

It feels great to be back in the saddle again. I guess I never should have gotten off the horse but we all have to learn our life lessons in our own way. I'll let you know how it goes.

Claudia's Book Club

I have allowed myself to be addicted to television for most of my life. The first thing I did in the morning was turn on the TV and I would leave it on the whole time I was home. It had occured to me that I should find something else to wake up to. I was tired of all the bad news that comes out of the TV. Unhappiness, war, death, violence, disease and cruelty are all things that seem to emanate from this box and I was tired of starting my day thinking about these things. I decided to spend the first hour or so of my day reading uplifting books and writings as opposed to sitting in front of the "idiot box" and listening to it spewing it's venom.

I really didn't know which books would help me to start my day on a happy note so I turned to the most enlightened person that I know. Juliana, my beautiful yoga instructor. I had heard her say that she doesn't watch TV because she when she does have extra time she reads happy uplifting books. This statement stuck with me so I asked her what book she thought would be a good book to start with and she told me to read a book called The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. She had a copy of it and she lent it to me knowing that it would be perfect for me in my present state of mind.



In talking with Juliana during my private yoga practices I had told her that I was very unhappy with my job. At the time I was working in real estate doing corporate rentals for staffing companies. It was a very stressful job. I spoke about the constant cancellations and changes that had to be made with every deal that was done. I felt as if I was putting forth all of my effort in knocking my head against a brick wall. I complained about my job constantly but didn't have the courage to change it. I was stuck in a cycle that went round and round. I went to work. I hated what I was doing. I complained about it and then I did nothing to change it.

I took Juliana's book home and the next morning I reached for this little book instead of turning on the TV. I sat and read in the silence of my home. I was blown away by this book. It was the story of a simple shepherd boy named Santiago who gave up everything to go on a journey to find his "personal legend". It talked about how omens showed themselves in his life and how he learned to recognize them and act upon them. This book really spoke to me. So much so that I told Pat about it and he read it.

After reading this book I knew that I needed to change my work situation. I didn't know exactly what I was going to do but I knew that I had to do something so that I could find my own personal legend. I started looking in the classifieds and also online when I came across the website for the Curves For Women gym that was located right around the corner from my house. I clicked around the site and saw that they were looking for a person to help train and motivate the ladies that go there. I knew right then that an omen had showed itself and it was up to me to recognize it and act upon it. I emailed Curves that day and found my new job which I love. I am much happier and I am proud of what I do when I go to work.

I am still on my journey to find my personal legend but I feel that I am much closer than I was. I will continue to spend my mornings reading uplifting and enlightening books like The Alchemist. No more mornings in front of the TV for me. Read this book and maybe you, like Santiago, will find your personal legend.

Office Politics

Oy vey, it's starting already. I work with two other people. One is Lisa and she is the owner of our Curves. She is very nice but also expects things done the way that she wants them done. Now, believe me, I have absolutely no problem with that. I happily do what she tells me to do. Lisa has told me many times that she is very happy with me (no applause, just money). She has also told me that the ladies love me. They find me very happy and motivating. I love to hear that. It makes me feel like I am doing something worth while with my career.

I also work with Michelle who is the gym "manager". She is the one who I had to interview with before I got to Lisa and was offered the job. She takes care of all the insurance issues and does lots of the paperwork required for the club to run smoothly. She has a very strong personality which does not bother or intimidate me. You know me. I just let it roll off my back. I don't let things bother me and I don't cop attitudes. It's just not my style.

Lisa is supposed to work with me on my Tuesday and Friday night shifts but as she has become more comfortable with me and my work ethic she is not afraid to leave me alone at the club. She has also been giving me a few more hours here as she has a small child and sometimes needs some extra time off. That is what happened yesterday. She had me work both the morning and afternoon shifts. Yep, I am tired but happy to do it as things like Pat's $1700 re-root canal happen and every buck helps.

I work on Monday nights with Michelle and lately I have been getting a strange vibe from her. She has been kind of cold towards me or at least that's what I have been thinking. It occurred to me that she was not happy that I am working out as well as I have. I think that my natural ability and feel for this job has taken her by surprise and she may be feeling somewhat threatened. I have also been told by many of the members, old and new, that they prefer to come on the days that I am there. They like my style better than Michelle's. Maybe she has heard some of this too.

Last night when Lisa called to tell me that she would not be coming into work she seemed a little talky. She told me that she had given Michelle instructions that last Monday night she wanted me make some telephone calls to the members that have not been working out lately and to invite them back. She told me that she wanted me to do this job because she had heard me on other phone calls and felt that the ladies would respond to me better than to Michelle. Of course, I didn't know any of this. I just did my usual thing and thought everything was fine. I did notice that Michelle was on the phone all Monday night but I really didn't think anything of it until Lisa talked to me about it yesterday. She said she thought that Michelle was feeling threatened by my presence. I guess she is beginning to fear for her job.

Lisa also told me that she wants me to learn the computer system. She wants everyone who works there to be able to work the computer programs. I got the feeling from her that Michelle is not happy about that either. I think she is more comfortable keeping me in the dark about some of the things that she does. I told Lisa that I would be happy to learn all about the computer. I enjoy computer work and Lisa already knows that I am computer literate.

I really hope this situation works itself out. All I am doing is trying to do the best job that I can while I am there. I am not looking to squeeze anyone out because I'm not looking to work full time anyway. I am perfectly happy with the part time hours that I have now along with the few extras that I pick up along the way. Lisa already offered me another night and I turned it down. I want to be able to spend time Pat when he gets home from work. If I am working four nights a week I would not be able to do that. I told her that I would like some day hours if they became available but I was well aware that Michelle worked most day hours.

I really love the job. It's perfect for me right now. I am extremely happy motivating people to reach their weight loss goals and making them feel better about themselves. I am proud of what I do. I just hope that the office politics don't come to bite me in the butt.

I'm a hit!!

So far, so good. Although yesterday was only the second day at my new job my bosses seem very happy with me. They have already increased my hours this week and I have gotten compliments from both the owner and the manager of the club. The clients seem to like me too. I'm happy to say that not only have I found something that I am good at but something that I love to do as well. This is a welcomed change in my life.

My clients are very interested in my weight loss but at the same time disappointed when they hear that I did it the old fashioned way. Diet, exercise and positive motivation. That is the one thing that they don't want to hear. They want to hear that I took a pill, drank a shake or wrapped myself in plastic wrap, went to sleep and woke up the next morning with a 95 pound weight loss. When they hear that there is no magic potion I get a collective groan that radiates around the room.

I remember looking for the fast working gimmick when I was losing my weight so I understand the mindset. Of course, we all know deep down in our hearts that losing weight takes constant attention, willpower and motivation but I guess we can't help but hope that something easier than the dreaded portion control and exercise is out there waiting for us to discover it. The truth of the matter is that easy weight loss doesn't exist. It takes hard work. Every day. That is the reality of the situation.

Reality bites. It really does but we need to keep a happy, positive attitude and do what what we know needs to be done . If we do that the weight will come off. The longer we look for that easy weight loss method that isn't real the more time we waste. I'm done wasting time. I hope my clients are too.