Where Does Self Confidence Come From?

It's the question of the day for me. Where does self confidence come from? Why don't I have any? Like today, for example. I am teaching at Juliana's which is always a wonderful experience. The students are always very complimentary when class is over. I've never heard one bad thing about my teaching but right now I'm sitting here nervous about teaching. Why don't I ever believe my own good press?

After class today, my best yoga bud in the entire world, Ruth is taking me over to LA Fitness to talk to the person who hires the yoga teachers for all the clubs in this area. I am totally nervous about this meeting. Now, not only am I a Registered Yoga Teacher certified by the Yoga Alliance and CPR certified but I also worked at Curves for a year and a half. I've lost 95 pounds in my life. I'M FRIENDS WITH RICHARD SIMMONS!!!! It seems to me that I would be a great fit for them but still I am nervous. What if they don't like me? What if they do like me? The idea of walking up in front of 30 or 40 people and teaching is making me sick to my stomach. Why am I even doing this? Yeah, I need to find my self confidence. Where is it?

Yoga Teacher Training.

What an experience!! Yoga teacher training was more amazing than I ever could imagine. It started in March and we graduated last saturday night. I am very sad that it is over. We all learned so much from Juliana. We covered every subject you could possibly think of. We spent a lot of time on yoga philosophy, we covered swamis, asana, pranayama, mudras, bandahs, tratica, chair yoga, teaching technique as well as too many other things to mention.

When it first began I was very upset because I really thought that I would not be able to do it. We started every session with a class that was much stronger than the classes I had been taking. I remember crying to Ruth (my very best yoga bud) that I wanted to quit because I felt it was too hard. I was wrong. In the end my practice got so much stronger and not only did I finish the training I kicked it's ass. :)

I must say I am very proud of myself. I set this goal a long time ago and when I did that it was really more of a dream then a goal. There was a time there that I thought it wasn't even going to happen. I really had to work hard to get all the paperwork that was required by the Yoga Alliance in order for Juliana. I promised her that I would help her get everything that was needed by her school filled out and sent in because I knew if I didn't do it, it wouldn't happen. I was right. I did it and it happened. Now my dream has come true and I am a yoga teacher. Even Richard Simmons is proud of me. He said so in a really sweet email to me. Yep I am proud.

I taught class at Vatsu Yoga last Friday and I will be teaching at Juliana's studio when she goes on vacation. Joy also asked me to sub for her at the Yoga Source when she goes on vacation in August. Things are happening. Just not fast enough for me. :)

I have been also offering up very inexpensive or free privates on Facebook just to get started. I'm hoping Debbie Wolff will ask me to sub at her studio too. I need to get myself a weekly gig. That's the next thing to do.



Wish me luck. Namaste!!

It's been too long.

I was just fixing up Juliana's blog to reflect the teacher training that will be starting on March 19 and it made me realize that I have been neglectful of my own blog. It's amazing how quickly time passes. Here it is February 19 already. It really seems as if time is going faster as I get older. I remember my mom telling me "you turn around once and you are 65" and I see it's true. Well, almost true. I'm 58 not 65. :)

OK, let's see, what's been going on with me? Kerry came home to spend my birthday with me last month and it was the best present that I ever could have gotten. I am so in love with that child and I feel lucky every day to have her in my life. She has grown up into a wonderful, caring young woman and I couldn't be prouder of her.

Today she starts the interview process with the Masters program acceptance committee at UF. Her advisor, Charlie, has already made it very clear that she will be accepted into the program but she has to go through the process anyway. I think it will be pretty stress free for her. I would be thrilled if she decides to stay at UF.

Next week she goes to Notre Dame for her PhD interviews there. They want to meet her so badly that they paid for her airfare, hotel and food for the interview weekend. I know she is very excited about the prospect of starting her PhD at such a well known school but it's in South Bend, Indiana which is far away and VERY cold. I'm sure she will go there and knock their socks off. I'm still hoping for UF. I'm Mom. What can I say?

I start my yoga teacher training on March 19th and I am extremely excited about it. I finally will be learning to teach yoga from my guru, Juliana. Anyone who knows me knows about Juliana. She has changed me in a profound way. It's going to be about 4 months of learning about yoga philosphy, anatomy, asanas and teaching classes. I'm also thrilled that my very good yoga bud Ruth is doing it with me. I love Ruthie and it'll be nice to have her with me to study and practice with. I've started reading the required books and I am ready to go. I feel as if a new path is opening in my life and it's a very good thing.

I am also very excited about some upcoming things that I'm not ready to put in writing yet but I know about them and so do the people involved. I can't wait until March 24th.

Last month I decided to cut my hair really short. Now I know that this may not be a big deal to a lot of people but it was HUGE for me. I was upset about it until Pat came home the day I cut it and told me that he loved it. After that people started telling me that I looked 15 years younger and asked me if I lost weight. That was when I realized that I finally had the right haircut. LOL I will post some picture once Kerry brings my camera back from Gainesville.

As you can probably get from this blog entry, I am very happy and excited about life. I've got the most wonderful family and friends in the whole world. I am brimming over with joy. How lucky can one girl from Long Beach be? :)

Vinyasa Yoga workshop

Yesterday Juliana taught a three hour Vinyasa Yoga workshop at The Yoga Source. Vinyasa Yoga is a form of "flow" yoga where you are in almost constant motion. Each asana flows into the next one. It is definitely a challenging form of yoga not to be done by beginners.

I have been practicing for 10 years so when I asked Juliana if I was ready for this class she said "absolutely". I met up with my yoga friend Ruthie before class started and at 12:30 we were sitting on our mats waiting for the class to begin. I was a little apprehensive knowing that this was going to be a very difficult class.

We started with breath of fire and pranayama which are forms of controlled breathing. It helps to warm you up and also quiet the mind. Once we were all warmed up the "flow" started. We flowed for about two and a half hours doing sun salutations, down dogs, cobras, planks, pigeons, wheels, backbends and all the other poses that were required. I was glad I had brought my towel. I was so sweaty that my hands were slipping all over my mat. It was a hard workout.

Triangle pose

Wheel pose

Downward Facing Dog

We were in the last half hour of the three hour class when we started doing inverted postures. I find inversions very difficult. I have a hard time relaxing in inverted poses but Juliana puts them in every class. She says they help the whole body including the central nervous system. Usually we do plow pose into shoulder stands. In plow pose you roll on your back and put your feet behind your head with your legs as straight as possible. From there you tuck your shoulders under your body, put your hands on your back for support and kick your legs up so that your are balancing on your shoulders with your feet up in the air. Well, yesterday Juliana wanted to kick it up a notch so we started doing forearm stands which led to head stands which led to hand stands and scorpion pose. It's all very involved but suffice it to say it was hard. Really hard. I have done head stands before but forearm stands, hand stands and scorpion pose were new to my practice. I had seen them done before but always thought that they were beyond my abilities. I guess I was wrong because before I knew it there I was standing on my hands with my feet up against the wall. From there I bend my legs and lowered them into scorpion pose. OMG!!

We ended the class with a nice long meditation and chanting session. I was completely whipped. I told Ruthie that I felt like a quivering ball of sweat but I was a very happy quivering ball of sweat. I did things that I never thought I could do. It sure feels good when you can accomplish something that before you could only dream of doing. I guess my yoga practice is a work in progress. I am progressing and that is a good thing.

Free Yoga Day

This weekend was the fifth anniversary of a local yoga studio called The Yoga Source and they had an anniversary party on Saturday to celebrate. They offered 4 free yoga classes along with a yoga bazaar which featured all kinds of things yoga related. I am always ready for free yoga so my yoga friend Ruthie and I decided to check it out.


We got there early and signed up for two of the classes that were being offered. One of the classes available was a Hatha class. Some time ago my yoga teacher and mentor Juliana had told me she wanted me to check out other classes and teachers. It has been years since I took a yoga class from anyone other than her. She wanted me to spread my wings and try other yoga instructors so that I could enjoy a different yoga experience. I signed up for the Hatha class given by Mary so that I would be a mindful student and follow Juliana's sage advice. Ruthie had just gotten out of Juliana's Saturday's Hatha class so she signed up for a NIA class which was going on during the Hatha class that I was taking. We both signed up for the Kundalini class that was being offered right after both the Hatha and NIA classes.

As we were waiting for the free classes to begin we were walking around the bazaar and looking at the merchandise. Who did we see? Juliana!! She had decided to come and see what was going on at the anniversary yoga party. Everyone there came up to her and hugged her and wanted to talk to her. It was like she was the rock star of the yoga world. Well, she is certainly the Paul McCartney of my yoga life. I was hoping that she would take the Hatha class with me but she decided on the NIA class that Ruthie was taking.

When the time came Ruthie and I split up and I went into the Hatha room. There were about 15 or so people taking this class with me and the yoga instructor was very nice but she was no Juliana. I did enjoy the class but I didn't get as much out of it as I do when Juliana is teaching. The first thing that Mary did was put on music which is okay with me but it was so loud that I had trouble hearing her cues. The asanas were pretty much the usual but Mary seemed to be in somewhat of a hurry. When Juliana guides us she allows us time to expand and deepen while in the postures. There was no time for that in this class. I found my mind wandering and it was hard work to stay in the moment. When it was over I was glad that I had done it but the one thing that I learned was that I was right when it came to my love for Juliana's classes. There was no comparison.

When my Hatha class was over the I found Ruthie and we set up our mats in the Kundalini room. We were talking and waiting for it to start when a tall woman came in the room dressed in long white robes and a turban on her head. Ruthie and I made jokes about it but settled down for the class. After two minutes we both felt guilty for making fun of our amazing teacher's garb. It was a lesson in "don't judge a book by it's cover."

There were quite a few people like Ruthie and myself who had never taken a Kundalini yoga class before so I think this class was geared towards beginners and newcomers. When I turned around to see how many people were there I noticed Juliana sitting close to me. It was a real thrill to take a class WITH her instead of FROM her.

In Hatha yoga an asana can be held for one minute, five minutes or even more. This Kundalini class had us in almost constant motion. It was definitely not you mother's yoga class. LOL.

The teacher guided us through and ended the class with chanting and singing. She had us close our eyes and sing along with music that was playing. I didn't know the words when I started but I soon learned them and was singing loudly with the rest of the class. It was a wonderful class. It gave me a sense of peace and happiness which was similar yet different to my usual Hatha classes.

When it was over Ruthie and I ran over to Juliana and told her how much we enjoyed it. It turned out that Juliana taught Kundalini in the past and was willing to guide us though our own class on Wednesdays . Ruthie and I decided on the spot to take some Kundalini classes from Juliana. We are both very excited about it.

I told Juliana that I had taken her advice and had practiced Hatha yoga with different teacher. She was glad that I had spread my yoga wings even though I made it quite clear that I won't stray again until she absolutely makes me. We both laughed about that.

All and all it was a wonderful day. I got to practice with new teachers and I also got to try a new kind of yoga. The best part of all was that I got to spend time with my good friends and favorite yoga people, Juliana and Ruthie. Namaste.