Loneliness And Eating

Kerry got home on Friday night and it is soooo good to have her home for a little while. It makes me realize that a lot of my eating issues have to do with her not being here aka loneliness. Thinking back on my life that is a recurring theme. Hmmm. Very interesting.

When I was a kid I would come home from school and my mom would be there waiting for me. She was always so happy to see me. She would have milk and cookies or some fruit waiting for me because she knew I would be hungry. We would sit and talk for hours. We would laugh about things that had happened during the day to me at school and her at home. She adored the ground that I walked on and I loved her more than anyone. I remember those times like it was yesterday.

When I got to be about 9 years old my dad opened up his own business. He needed my mom to help out in the office so she went to work every day and couldn't be there waiting for me when I got home anymore. My grandmother lived upstairs from us in a separate apartment but it wasn't the same as having my mom there with me. I was lonely and I started to eat.

It didn't take very long for me to gain weight and by the time I was in 6th grade I was overweight and taking crap from the other kids. I remember that I would come home and eat until my parents got home from work. Then we would eat dinner and dinner was always a heavy meal of meat and potatoes and when I say meat I don't mean chicken. I'm talking steak, lamb chops, briskit, beef stew, flanken. I think you get the idea. So that meant that I ate for hours while I sat by myself watching TV.

I stayed overweight until I was 40 years old. A few years after having Kerry I found Richard Simmons and with his help I was able to lose my weight. He became my weight loss guru and friend. I don't think I could have done it without his help and attention.

Richard and me last March

Kerry was a kid and there was so much to do. She took piano lessons. She became a girl scout. She started playing soccer. She joined the band. She kept me very busy and was there as the best company anyone could ask for. We would sit at the kitchen table and talk for hours just like I did with my mom. I kept my weight off without even really having to think about it. It was easy.

Kerry left for college in 2005 and I cried for three weeks. She had a boyfriend here so she started coming home every other weekend. I loved that. She also called me 5 times a day so it was almost as if she hadn't really left at all. I kept kept my weight off easily during this time.

Kerry and me at Hoover Dam

She broke up with her boyfriend 2 years later and stopped making those weekend trips home. I found myself sitting in front of the TV eating and my weight started to escalate. My beloved Lhasa Apso Mac also died around this time. This is something I still haven't gotten over.

Mac and me

I found Richard's online clubhouse and was able to get back on track and keep my weight down. I got a lot of support from the webbies and also met some of my very best friends. They are always there for me when I need them but they all live so far away. I wish they lived closer.

Fast forward to now. Kerry is up in Gainesville most of the time. I still hear from her 5 times a day but feel lonely most of the time. I miss having her here, in person to talk to and to be with. I find myself struggling with my weight. Here I am sitting in front of the TV eating again. It's just like it was when I was a kid and my mom went to work. Lonely and eating. I wish I could get over all of this but the struggle continues.

Shopping with the kid

Kerry is home for the rest of the week and since she got home my eating has been great. My eating was great when I went to LA to hang with my fellow fabbies also. I need to get a grip on this. If I don't I'll be just like I was in 6th grade. Overweight and taking crap from people.

The Fabs in LA a month ago

OK, Now I'm Pissed Off

Ok, so I weighed in yesterday and it really sucked. It's amazing how easy it is to gain 10 pounds. It's also amazing how long it takes to lose 10 pounds. My eating habits have been horrific and exercise has been basically nonexistent because of this damned heel.

Now I'm pissed. I got off the scale and ran into the living room and did one of my very favorite Richard Simmons videos, Disco Sweat. I made sure to stretch the hell out of my heel when I was done. I definitely felt the pain an hour or so after I was done but I did it and that's all that matters. Now I just have to keep it up and watch my food. Ah shit! Watching my food. My two least favorite words in the english language are PORTION CONTROL.

Now that the Fab Four are seriously talking about a reunion in LA in March I'm going to really work hard to get the 10 pounds that I gained off before I go. I know I can count on my fellow fabbies for motivation. Besides, I would not want to show up at Slimmons to see Richard with extra weight on. That in itself is enough to get me off my ass and do this. Well, I gotta go now and get off my ass and do this.

The Fab Four at Slimmons last year

A Quick Check In

A quick post....I got on the scale and I was back in the 140's. Well, 148.5 actually. I know it's only 1.5 pounds but I'm back in the 140's and that means goal #1 has been met. Now if I can just stay there.......

A phone call a few days ago from my wonderful friend and fellow Fabbie, L, really helped put me back on track. She always knows the right thing to say to me to make me feel better and motivated so thanks L.......

All else is good. Working hard, feeling good.

See y'all. Did I just say y'all? LOL

Hey, Hey, I'm On My Way

I'm on my way. Yes I am. I got on the scale today and I saw 145.5! Yeah!! I really wanted to see 145 again and although there is a .5 attached to it I'm still there. I feel as if I am on the right track again. You know, there seems to be something that clicks inside of you when you are on track and I'm feeling that click. If I can stay the course I should be in the 130's in a few weeks. I would really love that. As I've often said 139.5 would be fine. For me, being in the 130's means I'm at my goal weight. It also means that my life is good. It seems that I can judge how my life is going by how much I weigh. Hummm.....

I know that ramping up my exercise is partially responsible for the downward moving scale. I have been going to the track and also doing a lot of yoga which although Richard doesn't consider it toning I sure do. I'm happy to say that I have continued my yoga practice even though Juliana has gone away for the whole summer. This is the first year that I have done this. I have been going to The Yoga Source which is a studio that offers all different kinds of yoga. I found Joy who teaches a wonderful Hatha Yoga class and I have really been enjoying her style of teaching.

Me in wheel pose

I have been posting on the clubhouse boards a lot more lately. I have been posting on the exercise boards and on Laura's thread every day. I always do well when I am consistently posting on Richard's website. It's good to keep in touch with others that are going through the same thing as me and the other Fabs in particular. I've been weighing in and posting it on Laura's thread. I've noticed that this keeps me on track. Bethy started her own thread there too. I hope it helps her. I'm not going to start my own thread. Someone needs to be there to answer everyone. :)

Hugging Richard

My eating has been really good too. I have been eating 3 meals and one or two snacks a day. Kerry being home has been a double edged sword. Having her around stops me from grazing and that has helped but Kerry likes ice cream at night and she loves to eat out and that is not good. I guess I just need to make a commitment to continue on the healthy lifestyle path and as my mentor Richard Simmons (and Nike) says just do it.

The Circle of Friendship

I have been doin' well the last few days. I am taking time for me. I have been going to the track early in the morning and powerwalking 3-4 miles like I used to do. It feels really good to get back to my old exercising ways. I need to keep it up.

Today should be kinda mellow. Kerry will be going to the library to study and Pat will be going to play golf so I am going to take advantage of being alone in the house. With Kerry home there isn't much alone time in the house. Don't get me wrong. I am not complaining. It is just a fact.

When I am alone today I will light my "circle of friendship" candles which I got at Richard's retreat last year. All of the attendees were given three votive candle holders that we had to label with our three favorite blessings. I picked my inner peace, family and friends and my dog Rigby and wrote them on the labels. All three of these things are extremely important to the general happiness of my life.

Richard and The Fab Four at last year's retreat

We all put our candles in the middle of the wood floor at Slimmons and lit them. There were alot of people at the retreat so there were alot of candles. We all sat down with Richard on the floor and talked about our blessings. Richard was wonderful that day. So loving and so caring. You could feel the joy of that moment. The light that radiated from the circle that was made with the candles was beautiful. It really was a special moment.

Sitting on the wood floor at Slimmons

When we (The Fab Four) got back to Laura's condo we decided to write the other Fab names on each of the candles and then light them again before dinner. It was another special moment for us. It meant a lot to me.

The Circle of Friendship

I light these candles when I meditate or practice yoga and try to relive the feelings that I have when I am with my fellow Fabbers. I must get back to LA this year. I need my Fab Four fix. I need to eat Laura's scrambled eggs and go the the Ramon place. I need to sit around the table and talk about anything and everything with Bethy, Vennie and Laura. I need our shopping trips and excursions. I need to feel that "I can do anything" feeling that I have when we are together. I need to feel our circle of friendship in person, up close and personal.

Feeling Fab at Slimmons

Laura, Bethy, Vennie, I miss and love you all!!!!

Monday, Monday

It's Monday today. Back to work and back on track. I am down 5 of the 15 pounds that I had gained and I'm feeling good. I've been good with food and consistent with exercise. I went to the track this weekend as well and a Friday yoga class and a Saturday yoga workshop.

Making healthy food choices will be my challenge today as I have already been to the track and powerwalked 4 hot and sweaty miles. I will be moving tonight at Curves. It's all about the food today. It's all about the food every day. Oh yeah.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank my blogging friends, Laura, Beth, Vennie and Ang. Your blogs give me motivation, make me laugh, and let me know that I am not alone.

Happy Birthday to you yesterday Bethy. I hope you had a great day. Laura, Vennie and Ang I love you all.

A Pep Talk....To Myself

OK Claudia, so today is your last day of being 55. I know that you have been pretty upset lately and thinking to yourself that you don't know why. C'mon, you know why. We both know why. It's because tomorrow is your birthday. I think that being upset about your birthday is something that you learned from Ma. She was always upset on her birthday and maybe that's a way of feeling closer to her now that she is gone. Maybe it's time to really look at things instead of just crawling into a hole as you seem to have been doing over the last few weeks.

Being 56 won't that bad. It could be a lot worse. At least you have things in your life to be happy about. You have a rock solid marriage that has been going strong for over 31 years. Pat lives for you (and golf) and after all this time you still look at him as the only one for you (besides Paul). The two of you are still like a couple of high school kids. It feels good to have someone that you can count on no matter what. Yeah, it feels good.

Kerry is doing really well and how proud of her are you? OMG! She is amazing. She is a loving and caring person and so focused on what she wants out of life. She is working so hard to become a doctor. You know that the world is a better place because she is in it. She is a constant source of happiness and joy for you. She is the best and you are a lucky mom. Yeah, being a lucky mom feels good.


Rigby is there right by your feet. He may not be Mac but he is Rigby and he is your doggy love. So what if he is like a needy boyfriend? You look into his eyes and see his soul. It gives you comfort to know that he needs and loves you. He makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. Yeah, that's a good feeling.

You love your new job at Curves. Even though you will not become Donald Trump at this job it is fun and it feels good to help people reach their goals. The clients all love you and they respond to your upbeat personality. They look forward to coming when you are there. Best of all you get paid to workout. Just like Richard. Yeah, that is good.

Your overall health is good and your weight is steady at 145.5. I know you feel as if you have not been doing very well when it comes to eating and exercising but you are not showing any weight gain. You are going to have to make an effort to get a little more exercise on nonworking days. You also need to start cooking at home more than you have been. Your blood pressure has been a little high lately and I am sure it's because of the salt that is always in restaurant food. You need to make more of an effort to eat more healthy food. Remember what Richard told you oh so long ago. "Cut the crap and just do it". Yeah, that felt good.


You are lucky to have your brother Jon to talk to. He makes you feel as if you are still a Long Beach kid. He always brings you back to Lafayette Blvd and when you talk to him it's almost as if Ma and Irv are still alive. I know you miss Ma but she would want you to continue down the path that you are on and she would be very proud of you. She would be very happy that you and Jon are close and that you have each other to rely on. You have to keep on him about his health. You need him to live a long life with you. Yeah, having an older brother is good.

Cousin Stevie is with you too. Well, where else would he be? Stevie has been by your side from the time you were a little kid. Yeah, he drives you crazy sometimes but he is family and he reminds you that family is what is most important. Yeah, family is good.


You always have Michele too. You call her the sister you never had and the brother that you did. From the first time you met her it was as if you knew her your whole life. You two have gone through everything together including losing our Moms and having kids. You are as close as two peas in a pod. Michele is your Ma replacement. When you need advice from Ma you go to Michele and she always says what Ma would have said. How does she do that? There will always be room in the Winabago for Michele. LOL Yeah, having such a close best friend feels good.

You are part of the Fab Four. How lucky are you to have found these three ladies? They all get you and that is SO unusual. They remind you of what you are capable of and that is a gift in itself. You love them all and they love you too. Yeah, being a member of the Fab Four is good.


So life at 56 won't be so bad. After all, as Ma used to say there is only one alternative.