When you're 96 I'll still be your mother.

I am upset. I am really upset. I know it's stupid but there is nothing I can do about it. She's almost 22 for god's sake. Let go already! I can't. I just can't.

I remember my mom saying "when you're 96 I'll still be your mother". She used to say it to me all the time. I can hear her in my mind. I find myself thinking about that statement constantly now. 'When you're 96 I'll still be your mother". Now I know what she was talking about. I never really fully understood what she meant when she said that until right now, this minute.

My mom was much better at letting go than I am. By the time I was 21 (Kerry's age now) she couldn't wait to get rid of me. LOL While this statement is only partially true there was an element of that in our relationship at that time. I am feeling none of that now that I'm the mom instead of the kid. Our extremely close relationship is one of the highlights of my life and I really wish Kerry didn't have to go back to college. I will miss her so much.

Traveling together

I know that I will feel better about this in a few weeks. It always takes me about that long to settle into my life (or lack thereof) when Kerry leaves. I expect this time to be especially hard due to the fact that she was home for so long. Four months is a long time and I've gotten used to having her around. I also know that I will calm down once the phone rings which usually doesn't take long. She usually calls me 3 times a day and I am more than OK with that. It makes me happy. It allows me to sleep at night.

Happiness is.....

And now, there is this stupid tropical storm ruining my life. Tropical Storm Fay has been hanging over the state for days and days. Kerry has put off going back because of the inclement weather. School starts on Monday and she has to get up there but this damn storm won't go away and I'm freaking out over it. It's a 5 hour drive in rain and wind. Yeah, I'm real comfortable with that she said sarcastically.

OK, I really do need to get a grip on myself. Maybe I'll practice yoga once Kerry leaves. I need to get grounded. I have to work today and that will help to get my mind off all this for a while too. I'll be OK once I hear that she has made it safely. After all, when she's 96 I'll still be her mother.

Kerry proving that she is not 96 yet!

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! 9:24am, Coral Springs, Fl-Kerry has decided to stay here today and leave tomorrow. Mom is very much relieved. !!!

Why do I do these things?

OK. I have decided to get back on track....again. I stepped on the scale this morning and I am one pound away from a weight I haven't seen in a long time. Yes, I knew it as I was doing it. I know that I shouldn't be eating ice cream every night. I know I shouldn't be eating out all the time. I know I shouldn't be eating black and white cookies but I do these things anyway. Why is that, do you suppose? Why is it that even though I know I shouldn't be I am drinking the coffee with the crappy for you and caloric Hazelnut coffee creamer I do it anyway? Why do I do that? Why?

Why is it that I get up in the morning and the first thought I have is "What excuse can I use so I don't have to go to the track and exercise?" Why is that? Once I get there I actually enjoy my powerwalks. I love the music that I listen to (thanks Paul) and I love being outside in nature. I even enjoy being all smelly and sweaty when I am finished. Why would I not want to go? Why would I look for excuses? I even look for excuses to blow off yoga and you all know how much I love yoga. Why would I even think about not going?

Why would I not want to exercise here every day?

I need to exercise every day and eat more healthy food. I need to do these things so that I can bring down my marginally high blood pressure and cholesterol. I need to do these things so that I can fit into my clothes. I need to do these things so that I can be alive to see Kerry graduate medical school and become a doctor. I need to do these things so that I can enjoy my retirement years with Pat. I need to do these things so I can be here for my family and friends when and if they need me. I need to do these things to be happy.

One of my main reasons for stayng on track

So here I go again. Wish me luck.