Letting Go Or Not

I was 34, almost 35 when I gave birth to my daughter Kerry Leigh. She was perfect with all ten toes and fingers, chubby cheeks and a big curl of brown hair on the top of her head. She came at 10:10pm on a Monday night. I remember this because the Dolphins were playing the NY Jets on the labor room TV while I was squeezing this amazing human being out of my body. She was gorgeous and I was thrilled.

Kerry at 7 months old. Cute or what??
I remember looking out the window from my hospital bed with this baby lying on my chest. It was around 4:00am and the hospital was quiet. I looked down at my new daughter and told her that I wanted her to be a free spirit. I told her that I wanted her to make her own decisions. I told her that I would never tell her what to do but only guide her in the right direction. YEAH, RIGHT!!! I brought her up telling her what to do every step of the way. "Clean your room". "Do your homework." "Try out for the soccer team". I'm sure I drove her crazy telling her what to do.

My mom had warned me about this. When I was 40 years old my mom still used to tell me what to do. She told me that she couldn't stop telling me what to do because "it's the mom thing." "Someday you'll understand". Boy, was she right about that?

Kerry is now 21 and in college. She makes up her own mind about everything. What to wear, where to go, what to eat, who to date, who not to date. It's all up to her now because it is her own life. I am having real trouble with all of this. How do I go from telling her everything to telling her nothing? It's a hard transition and I am not transitioning well.

Kerry on her 21st birthday

The hardest part so far for me is her choosing her boyfriend over me. Yeah, I know how this sounds but it is true. Pat and I both work in order to keep her in money and in college. We have mortgaged our house to pay for Kerry's housing, books, tuition, food, trips, and fun however when it became time to plan her spring break she decided to fly to Cincinnati ($500 , thank you very much) and spend it with her boyfriend. It's looking like we won't see her at all.

Now, I do remember young love. I really do. I drove my parents crazy when it came to Pat. They didn't like him and I was determined to be with him. I remember the power struggle very well. It was hard but we made it through the hard times. My parents ended up looking at Pat as their other son and having a wonderful loving relationship with him.

I am not trying to go through the same power struggle with Kerry. I have a totally different relationship with her than I did with my parents. As close as I was to my mom, it is nothing compared to the closeness that I share with my wonderful daughter. With this closeness comes hurt feelings and that is how I am feeling right now. I can't help it. I know I need to get over it but it is hard to do. I guess it's the mom thing.

Now Claudia, don't jump into that chocolate cake. It won't help a thing. OK, Richard. I hear ya.