A heart to heart to me from.... me

I feel like I need to write but I don't really want my life out there on the internet. I have been..........how do you say it........engaging in self destructive behavior lately and it gotten worst this week. The sad part about this is that this time, for a change, I'm not talking about eating. I am eating too much and not exercising enough but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about other stuff that I am not going to put out there for all eyes to see. I used to spill my guts on Richard Simmons.com but I don't really go there anymore. Laura is quiting and I think I may too. It's been a long time since I posted there and I don't even go to chat anymore. I can't put this stuff on my yoga blog. I'm actually hoping that this post is not read by anyone. This really is a post to myself.

Listen up, Claudia. You need to get a grip on yourself. You are going down the tubes quietly and slowly. I realize you can't talk to anyone about it so here is the truth for you read, take in and act upon it.

No more self destructive behavior. You know what that is. You are not only hurting you. You are hurting Pat and Kerry too and you are damned lucky to have them. If you continue the way you have been going you won't be damned lucky and you won't have them. That's why you aren't talking about it. You are embarrassed and you know that you are wrong. So..... don't throw your life away and STOP THE BULLSHIT!!!

You have got to get back to working out!!! The track!!! Tommorrow!!! How long has it been? Months? Easily months. How about years since you used to go to the track no matter what? Remember that? It didn't matter if it was cold or raining or hot and sweaty. You went...no matter what. Where is that person? Not here, that's for sure. Your eating sucks too. I mean really sucks. The scale did you a favor today at 155.5. You are lucky that it's not 255.5.

You need to get a grip. If you don't you will go down with nothing. No family, no health, no yoga teaching, no nothing.

I love you. I wouldn't bother if I didn't. You could be so happy with just a minimum of trouble. You just need to muster up some will power. This is all powerful stuff but so are you and you can do it. Look at all you have to work with. Say it with me! "I can do it". Now doesn't that feel better?